Knight of Conquests
by The Layman
Summary: We all know Jaune Arc, Ladies Man...doesn't exist. He's well meaning but awkward, and his pickup lines leave something to be desired, so he doesn't really make a lot of headway. However, he meets a weird "Faunus" with butterfly wings who may have the solution! (Parody of JaunexHarem stories, rated T just to be safe. Only poll votes count. POLL OPEN.)
1. Fairies are real

_Chapter 1: Fairies are real._

Jaune sat hunched over in the Beacon Academy courtyard, in front of the Huntsmen statue, feeling incredibly depressed.

He'd been at Beacon for only two weeks now, and he wasn't any closer to getting a girlfriend! He tried being confident like his father told him to, but for some reason whenever he tried to talk to girls they either told him off or, in some cases, hit him. (In one case he was pinned to the wall with a javelin.)

"What am I doing wrong?" he wondered aloud, "All Dad said was 'Be confident, Jauney-boy, that's all it takes; how do you think I got your mother!', so it should work for me, right?" He sighed, "Maybe I should just give up…"

" _And miss out on all these_ fine ass _Honeys? Playa, don't be joshin' me!"_

Jaune spazzed out for a second, surprised that anyone was actually paying attention to him in his misery. When his heart finally stopped trying to escape his chest he looked up to see who it was that spoke.

When he did, his eyes nearly fell out of his skull.

The first thing Jaune noticed about the figure was that she was a girl. Kind of obvious really, considering that the outfit she wore could charitably be described as "lingerie"; her top appeared to be made out of a super light material that looked like it would rip apart if someone so much as _sneezed_ on it, with pink and white being the dominating colors. In fact, her whole outfit (term used loosely…) seemed to revolve around these two colors to the exclusion of all else, including her hair; even Nora, one of his teammates, didn't have this much pink in her ensemble! And instead of pants she wore a pair of pink panties that _just barely_ stopped short of being a thong, with a little purple butterfly clip or something on the front of them.

And speaking of butterflies, she apparently had two translucent pink butterfly wing coming out of her back. Now, Jaune hadn't really known many Faunus in his life, but he at least knew that they were mammalian in nature. If this girl was indeed a Faunus, she was the strangest one he'd ever seen in his life.

"Encountered" would probably be a better word, because he was having trouble keeping his eyes from inevitably being drawn to certain areas of her body.

"See something you like?" she asked coyly, striking a pose, "Take a picture, it'll last longer."

"Uh buh buh buh buh buh…!" he said, his jaw hanging open. ...and he hoped it only _felt_ like he was blushing profusely.

The girl must have noticed this, because her face suddenly morphed from a smile to a grimace.

"Oh my god," she said, "you really are as hopeless as you look, aren't you?"

Now he couldn't look at her for _different_ reasons…

"Aaaaand it's even worse than I thought," she sighed, her wings drooping slightly. She took a seat next to the depressed Huntsman, patting him on the shoulder, "So what's going on, Sport? Lay your troubles on old Kyu here."

"Well…," he said hesitantly, "actually...can I ask you a question first?"

She shrugged. "Sure, I guess; ask me anything!"

"Um...are you a Faunus?"

Out of all the possible reactions Jaune was expecting to that question, her bending over laughing wasn't one of them.

"Sorry!" she chuckled, wiping a tear from her eye, "I'm just not used to people being so used to my appearance; normally they're more freaked out when they see I have wings." She fluttered her wings a bit for emphasis. "But to answer your question, no I'm not."

When she didn't elaborate, he asked "Then what are you?"

She jumped to her feet and did a little pirouette, ending in another provocative pose. "Can't you tell?" she asked, "I'm a fairy!"

"Oh…." This actually made things _less_ clear for him. "You mean like those little sprites in kids books?"

The "fairy" scoffed, shaking her head. "They always ask that…," she muttered, before looking Jaune straight in the eye. "Look, a lot of what the general public knows and fairies is wrong: we're not tiny, we don't sprinkle dust when you shake us, and we don't drop dead if people don't believe in us. And before you ask, no, we aren't chubby little babies in togas that shoot arrows in people's asses." She thought for a moment, tapping her chin, "Well, except for Jeremy Flickergem, but he's always been a bit weird…" She shook her head, her smile returning. "But enough about _me,_ let's talk about _you_ now!"

"What about me?" he asked.

"Well, how about the whole 'Woe is me, for I cannot woo fair maiden and tap dat ass' thing you've got going on here?" she said, melodramatically doing an impersonation of the scraggly Huntsman-in-training.

This caused him to blush again.

"Big, fat yes to _that_ , methinks." She drew herself up to her full 5' 4" height and declared "Lucky for you, you've got the best Love Fairy in all of Sky Garden on the case; you'll be swimming in cute girls in no time!" She then knowingly added "...And maybe a few other actions as well!"

"Hey!" Jaune hissed, jumping to his feet, "Are you crazy!? You can't just say things like that out loud!"

The fairy shook her head. "Nope. But you may want to tone down your own crazy, judging by all the stares you're getting."

Suddenly getting a bad feeling, Juane quickly looking around and found that a crowd had gathered and were staring uneasily at him.

"For the record, they can't see me right now," she explained, "We fairies can use a Glamour to make us invisible to whoever we want; for the last few minutes, as far as everyone else is concerned, you've been talking to thin air."

" _Then why didn't you mention that sooner?_ " he asked out of the corner of his mouth, waving uneasily at the crowd.

"Oh, it must have slipped my mind…," the fairy said mischievously. Her wings fluttered as she floated lazily towards the School, "I'll explain the rest inside."

With his only other option being to stay there and fail at explaining what just happened, Jaune pointed in a random direction and shouted "Weren't they on the front of Pumpkin Pete's Marshmallow Flakes?", sprinting for the cover of indoors while everyone was distracted.

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

"Little winded there, eh Sport?" Kyu noted as the scraggly blond came to a stop in the empty cafeteria, "Let me guess, you're one of those 'scholarship kids', aren'tchya?"

"You said…*hah*, you'd finish explaining everything," he panted, doubling over.

"You're right. Well, you're hopeless at talking to girls, and I'm here to help you get hooked up; that's pretty much all there is to it!" She began pushing him out the doors and down the hall, "So get movin' already! Honeys aren't gonna just fall from sky, you know!"

"W-wait a minute-!" Jaune protested, only to be immediately interrupted.

" _Don't worry_ , I'll explain everything on the way!" When he gave her a dubious look, she assured him "Trust me, I'm a professional!" While still pushing him forward, she continued explaining. "Now, the first thing you'll need to do to pick up chicks is to go where the chicks are! I mean, you can't just expect some random hottie to bump into you-"

Whatever Kyu ( _She's named after a letter of the alphabet?_ he thought.) was going to say next was lost on the scraggly youth, because at that moment he'd just bumped into another student, causing them both to tumble to the floor.

"I-I'm sorry!" Jaune stammered, "it was _totally_ my fault that I bumped into you- well, actually, it's _technically_ someone else's fault...but that's kind of a long story and I'm not even sure any of this is actually happening, and...and…."

When he finally looked to see who he'd just crashed into, it turned out that he collided with one of his own teammates. More specifically, it was Pyrrha Nikos, four time champion from Mistral and the current face of Pumpkin Pete's Marshmallow Flakes.

"I swear I didn't plan this," Kyu said hurriedly, before realizing her new client wasn't paying attention to her. She smiled when she saw the reason _why_ her client was distracted. "Ooh, she's _hawt_! She's that athlete on the front of Pumpkin Pete's, right?"

Not wanting a repeat of his experience outside, Jaune elected to give a silent nod in lieu of verbal confirmation.

"Thought so. ... _dayum_ , exercise has been _good to her_!" She nudged the young Huntsman, "Bet she's got _amazing_ stamina, huh?"

"Uh...I guess?" he warily agreed, dreading what the fairy's tone implied. In hushed tones he asked "Should I apologize?"

"Uh, _duh_!" she blurted, "This is the perfect opportunity for you to get in some practice talking to an _actual_ girl!" Jaune was about to protest that he already _knew_ how to talk to girls when Kyu added "And no, your mommy or your sisters don't count." before he could. "So make with the apologizing already!"

By this point Pyrrha also notice she bumped into. "Oh! Hello again, Jaune!"

"Y-yeah, ...hi," he replied, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.

Kyu smacked her head. "Nice going, _Romeo_ ," she groaned, "really sweeping 'em off their feet with lines like that. How could any girl _possibly_ resist?"

Her sarcasm was palpable. (Thankfully, Jaune was the only one who had to deal with it, it seemed.)

"Uh…." He fought to hide his embarrassment at the fairy's chastising remark. "So yeah, sorry about bumping into you like that, I was...sort of distracted."

"Think nothing of it," she assured him, rising to her feet. She offered him a hand up and he took it. "To be honest, my mind was elsewhere as well," she admitted, "so I suppose we can both share the blame in not watching where we were going."

For some reason, this made Jaune feel a little bit better about the whole thing.

"Cool."

"Ask her where she's going!" Kyu urged, "If you two can get a little privacy, then maybe there a chance for some…" She made smooching noises.

It didn't take a genius to infer what the fairy was suggesting with that.

Despite her _extremely_ unsubtle implications, Jaune asked anyway. "So Pyrrha, where were you headed, anyway?"

"I was only my way back our room," she said, "I was going to sit on our balcony fit a bit." Then she added "You're free to join me if you wish. In fact, I'd rather prefer the company."

"Do it!" Kyu insisted excitedly, bouncing in place. (How she was doing that in midair was a mystery for another time.) "Doitdoitdoitdoitdoit!"

Trying not to look like he was monumentally annoyed (even though Kyu's incessant cries of "Do it!" _were_ monumentally annoying), he said "Sure, why not? I don't really have any plans today, anyway."

"Wonderful!" She gestured for him to follow her as she resumed her trek, "Come on!"

"I'll catch up," he called after the redheaded athlete, "I, uh...I'm gonna find a water fountain first!" After he was sure she was out of sight (and hearing range) he turned back to the "love fairy". "Hey, Kyu? I have a question."

"No, I won't tell you her measurements," she answered with practiced ease. "Or rather, I _can't;_ it's against official Love Fairy policy, you see."

It wasn't the question Jaune wanted to ask, but he'd be lying if he said the thought hadn't crossed his mind from time to time, considering the large saturation of attractive girl at Beacon.

Though for some strange reason, now he was curious about else was in "Official Love Fairy Policy".

"If you want to know that," the fairy continued, "you'll just have to ask Miss Cereal Box herself, though I wouldn't recommend doing that until at least the _second_ date…"

"That wasn't what I wanted to ask," he corrected her, before taking a deep breath. "Look, could you maybe, sorta...leave Pyrrha and me alone on our date? It's not that I don't appreciate your help, or that I don't trust you or anything…," he trailed off.

"Don't worry," she assured him, raising her hands in a placating manner, "I'm not going to turn into some third wheel; not only is it against Love Fairy Policy and a professional faux pas, but it's just a dick move in general!" Her fairy wings fluttered when she said that. "That said, I'm still going to be close by in case of an emergency and I need to step in."

Jaune sighed. He'd been hoping to have _complete_ privacy for his impromptu date, but he supposed this was the best deal he could get. "So you won't try to talk to me or anything?" he wondered.

Kyu mimed that she was zipping her mouth shut, locking it, and throwing away the key. "It'll seem like I'm not even there!" She pulled a device that looked like a less advanced Scroll out from _somewhere_ (Jaune tried not to think about _where_ she could have been keeping it…) and started typing on it. Then she looked at him expectantly. "What, are you waiting for a written invitation? Get movin', _Playa_!"

Needing no further urging, Jaune hurried after his teammate, hoping he wouldn't screw up the simple task of standing on a balcony.

Kyu flitted after him, "This is _so_ going on my blog…!"

 _to be continued..._

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

 _ **Kyu's Naughty Confessions blog })i({**_

" _ **Arc" you serious?**_

 _Hey there, sexy people! Kyu})i({ here, with another update for the blog!_

 _So my latest client is this scraggly little twig of a teenager from this place called Remnant who is absolutely_ adorkable _in how inept he is at talking to chicks! (o^-^o) It's almost a little sad, but at least he's not as pathetic as the loser from the game started out…but anyway! He just managed to score a first date with this_ supah fine _Honey who goes by the name of Pyrrha Nikos, who some of you might recognize from a certain sugary, flakey, marshmallowy box of cereal. Those two crazy kids are on their way to what I'm guessing is going to be a_ very _romantic spot! (I just got here, so I haven't had time to confirm this yet… (T^T) ) We're still in the tutorial stage here, so I'm gonna remain in tow and keep an eye on things in case I'm needed; I'll update you guys on the date once it's over. ;p!)_

 _In the meantime, I've set up a poll (with the help of my blog Admin) about which of the fine Honeys I think old Jauney boy here might run into next in his Campaign of Love (T), so if y'all could go vote on it, that'd be great!_

 _Oh, and if you want your comment to show up in my next post, say so down below and I'll include it! ^-^/!_

 _Gotta go now, it looks like they just reached their destination. |-)! See you sexy people later!_


	2. Tutorial Mission

_Chapter 2: Tutorial mission._

Jaune stood in front of the door to his team's room, fumbling with with his Scroll as he attempted to unlock it.

" _Stupid door…!"_ he grumbled, going through the Scroll's settings, " _I knew I should have set this thing to 'auto'..."_

"Would you like some help?" Pyrrha asked, hesitantly looking over his shoulder. "I can unlock it for you, if you want?"

Jaune shook his head. "No no," he assured the redhead, "I got this! Just...give me a minute."

"...if you say so," she shrugged.

As Jaune continued to fumble around the Scroll he began to wish that he hadn't asked for privacy from Kyu; it would have been _really_ nice to have to have someone to give him advice that only he could hear so he didn't have to lose face in front of Pyrrha. He probably should have ask her in the first place... _but_ he'd assumed that he actually _remembered_ how the dang door worked! He'd heard the explanation of how they worked along with everyone else, but he'd been more focused on all the attractive girls and hadn't really paid attention to the explanation.

Just another great decision courtesy of Jaune Arc…

Then he felt a tiny prick on the back of his neck.

"Ow!"

"Jaune? Is something wrong?" Pyrrha asked.

"I think something bit me," he said, finally getting the door to unlock. He pointed to the back of his neck, "Does it look like something bit me?"

Pyrrha examined Jaune's neck. "No," she said, "it appears fine to me."

"Oh, OK then." He gestured for Pyrrha to go ahead of him. "Ladies first," he said.

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

On the balcony they both leaned on the safety railing, looking down at the campus below them. They could just make out the other students milling about on the ground, looking like ants from so high up. Outside of the academy grounds lay the Vale countryside, with both the adjacent mountains and the glistening sound visible from the chosen vantage point. There were a couple of airship buses flying over the water as they ferried to and from Vale city, and puffy white clouds skirted around the mountain peaks.

All in all, it looked pretty darn spiffy.

"Mmm!" Pyrrha stretched her arms above her head, letting out a contented sigh. "The breeze up here feels quite pleasant, doesn't it?" she asked Jaune.

"Yeah…," he said, only half hearing the question; he was too focused on person asking to care about what was being asked.

Pyrrha Nikos was a very beautiful girl, there was never any doubt about that. There was a reason why the redheaded athlete was featured on a cereal box, after all; her toned, powerful body, waist length crimson hair, and gentle face were all painfully obviously, even to an idiot who _literally_ didn't recognize her until he was reminded that she was on the front of Pumpkin Pete's Marshmallow Flakes. Not to mention her four consecutive tournament wins, but that didn't really have anything to do with how she looked.

"...do I have something on my face?" she asked quizzically, breaking Jaune from his daze.

"Huh- Oh no! No! Absolutely not! It's just, your face looks…." He tried to think of a way to smooth talk himself from looking like a totally loser, but wasn't really having much success. " _Your face looks like what I puked up the order day"_? Absolutely not! " _Your face likes like an angel"_? Not that either; it made him sound too desperate, and kind of creepy to boot.

 _Geez, why is this so hard?!_ he bemoaned silently, _It's not like I haven't spoken with her before, we're freaking teammates for crying out loud! Man, why can't girls just like me for my confidence?_

Suddenly, he got and idea. He had no clue if it would work, and it didn't really match up with the advice his dad gave him, but he wasn't coming up with anything better at this point….

"My face looks...what?" she asked.

 _Well, what have I got to lose?_

"Your face looks… really nice," he said, "I never really noticed until now." Then he waited, bracing himself for whatever was about to happen.

Though in all the possible scenarios that ran through his head, her acting bashful surprisingly wasn't one of them.

"That's…," Pyrrha blushed, "that's really nice of you to say…." She rubbed her arm awkwardly, looking embarrassed. "B-but really, you don't need to flatter me…."

"I'm being serious," he insisted, "I know you must hear this all the time, but it's true."

Pyrrha blushed even further, her face now resembling the color of her hair.

 _Oh crap, did I goof?_

"Uh…." He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "...did I say something wrong?"

"Oh, n-no, n-not at all!" she stammered, quickly composing herself, "I-it's just, I wasn't prepared for something so...sincere…."

Now it was Jaune's turn to look embarrassed; it wasn't like he said anything that was untrue, if anything he was simply stating a fact...but that didn't stop his face from trying to match hers for color.

"So...do you come here often?" he wondered, trying to break the oppressively awkward silence between them, even if (in retrospect) it was with a corny line.

Pyrrha nodded. "I like come up here to unwind after my training sessions," she explained, "It's so peaceful up here, and the view!..." She sighed longingly, "If I were asked, I'd say _this_ is my favorite spot on all Beacon."

"Yeah," Jaune agreed, nodding, "I can see why."

After that they mostly made pointless small talk, chatting about school and the like. Once the initial awkwardness passed Jaune found that Pyrrha was surprisingly easy to talk to. She was considerate, letting him say his piece before she spoke, and she didn't tell him to get lost like every other girl he tried to talk to- ...OK, it was more like "hit on" than "talk to", but the point still stood that she actually wanted to talk with him as much as he did her.

Eventually though, she said she had to go meet with one of the teachers.

"What about?"

"Professor Goodwitch asked me if I would help with a demonstration for her next class," the Mistrali Huntress explained, heading for the door, "If you're not doing anything else then feel free to come watch."

Jaune _didn't_ have anything going for the rest of the day, (thank Monty today was a half day for him!), so he had time to spare. Apart from the grueling Initiation he hadn't really seen Pyrrha, a world renowned tournament champion, fight, and even then he'd been too preoccupied to really pay attention in detail to anything but the Grimm they were fighting at the time. Besides, as Team Leader (he still didn't know how _that_ happened!) it was probably a good idea to be familiar with how the rest of his team operate-

Suddenly Kyu popped up in front of him, wagging her finger with a disapproving look on her face. "Hold you horses, Sport," she said, "you're still booked with _me_."

"Uh…?"

"There's still more Honeys out there," she told him, "you can't just settle on one of them _right away_ ; there's _options_ , shop around a bit before make your purchase!"

Jaune rubbed the back of his head uneasily. What it sounded like the fairy (he was never going to get used to saying that…) was suggesting, at least to him, was something his father warned him against. " _Stick with one girl, Jaune,"_ he'd said, " _Take it from me, trying to juggle multiple girlfriends_ _is_ not _as fun as it sounds…"_

"Jaune?" Pyrrha called, "Are you coming?"

"Pffft!" Kyu snickered. " _Nope,_ no he's not!"

It was a testament to Jaune's self control that he didn't react to the jab. (Though he died a little inside because he understood the joke.)

"Maybe some other time," he said (ignoring Kyu's giggling), "I...actually have something else going on right now."

"Oh…. Well, some other time then." She waved goodbye, leaving the scraggly Huntsman in training alone on the balcony.

Well, if you didn't count the fairy impatiently tapping her pink, heeled shoes on the floor….

"I wanted to go with her," he told her, "Why'd you stop me?"

"Like I said, there's still a bunch of _fine ass_ Honeys out there, each of them unique in their own way; who's to say you won't meet someone you like better than Cereal Box there?" she asked, her eyebrow raised knowingly.

Though hesitant to admit it, Jaune could definitely see her point; there was no guarantee that he'd find "Mrs. Right" immediately, and it might even take him a long time to even do _that_. Even his dad warned him of that before he left home.

"See?" She clapped him on the back. "Now let's get out there and talk to some more broads!"

Still, he _really_ wanted to talk with Pyrrha more now that they were on speaking terms…

"Can't I just look in on Pyrrha for a minute?" he asked. "I mean, she did invite me-"

"I _said..._ ," Kyu growled, gritting her teeth; it would have looked kind of cute on her if she didn't follow it up by pinching his ear and dragging him towards to door, " _let's go talk to some BROADS!_ "

" _Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!_ " he cried, praying that he'd still have both his ears by the end of the day.

 _to be continued…._

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

 _ **Kyu's Naughty Confessions blog })i({**_

" _ **Arc" you serious? Pt.2: Tutorial Complete!**_

 _Kyu})i({ here again! I know it's a little early (^-^'), but I figured that an update was in order with what's about to go on here._

 _For starters, the Date; I was right, the spot they were going to was totes romantic! (o^-^o) It was an admittedly ordinary looking balcony, as far as balconies went, but hawt damn, the view was_ freaking gorgeous _! You could_ literally _see everything for miles! Like, words don't do it justice! (Though personally, there wasn't enough chiffon for my tastes. |-D ) Anyway, the two of them talked for a little while, and Jauney Boy even managed to work in a smooth line or two. ;-D Completely by accident, of course. |-D |-D |-D Still, they definitely made a connection (Pyrrha = Hearts x 2), so we'll see if he can do something else with that further down the road._

 _But that's for another day. In the meantime, we're off to find Jauney Boy his next Honey to mack on! "There's plenty of fish in the sea" as the saying goes, so check back next time to see who the next catch will be! I saw some_ really _fine prospects already, so go check out that poll I made and see what might be in store! Hopefully I won't need to resort to my contingency plan… (-_-;)_

 _Only one comment from the last post: "OG_Cupid" says "I'm not weird, Sugardust; need I remind you exactly_ WHO _was doing this gig since before you graduated from your training wings?" To which I say...why haven't you retired yet? Nobody uses_ arrows _anymore, and you've put on too many pounds for that toga to even work anymore; I didn't even think it was_ possible _to do that!_ _/(*o*)\_

 _Anyway...until next time, keep voting on the poll! See you sexy people later!_


	3. KnoC Primer

Hey everyone, Layman here! I normally don't do chapters like this, but given the nature of this particular story it seemed like a good idea.

So anyway, I'm sure by you have a pretty decent idea of what's in store for Knight of Conquests; Jaune is going to try and get a girlfriend with the help of everyone's favorite Love Fairy, Kyu from HuniePop. (For those who haven't played or don't know what HuniePop is, it's a Kickstarter funded dating sim/Bejewled clone, in which you, the player- you can choose Male or Female when starting a new game, but it ultimately doesn't have any effect outside of a couple different dialogue bits at most -goes around dating several different women, ultimately culminating in a night of passion with each of them. It's a pretty unsubtle game, and as such it's been banned from Twitch streams.)

Now, I could just write Jaune's Misadventures in Dating His Friends and Peers myself, but because of HuniePop's choice heavy nature, I decided to do something a little different. That being the Reader Choice aspect that's been hinted at in the story itself. So there actually is a poll on my profile related to this story, which will be up for a week and then get refreshed with every new chapter, with one less option each time until all the characters have been introduced. Once that happens, the poll will be refreshed will all the available characters, save for the last girl Jaune dated. It lets everyone who takes an interest in this little experiment will get a sense of investment, and I'll be kept on my toes as a writer. Granted, I'm going to end this in a very specific way, but the journey there is half the fun, and I want this to be unique, so go vote on the Poll while it's up!

As for the story itself, **there won't be any smut, first and foremost; smut is not the goal of KnoC, so the rating will stay firmly where it is.** (This story would probably actually be K+ if Kyu weren't in it.) Also, "Kyu's Naughty Confessions blog })i({" will pretty much function as the Author's Notes for the duration, as well as an AMA type thing. (Honestly, roleplaying as the snarky Love Fairy is pretty fun, especially given the referential and meta nature of some of her game dialogue.) If you have something you want to ask "Kyu", or just want an observation of yours to be featured on Kyu's "blog", indicate so in a review or PM.

For the moment, that's all I can think of. I'll get to work on the next chapter of KnoC once the Poll results are in, so make sure to keep voting! And like Kyu says, see you sexy people later!


	4. A Little Honey

**So apparently I wasn't entirely clear on how this story works, so let me rectify that; The only way to pick which girl Jaune dates next is to vote on the poll. The poll will be active from the time the newest chapter is posted and will remain up for exactly seven days, at which point it will be taken down. Only votes on the poll will count towards choosing the next girl: suggestions in reviews or PMs don't count and will be ignored.**

 **Hopefully that makes things clearer now. Anyway, pardon the intrusive A/N, I'll get back to the story now.**

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

 _Chapter 3: A Little Honey._

" _Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow_!" Jaune mentioned to his fairy companion as she dragged him through Beacon's hallways, on the hunt for his next "date". Well, her more than him, considering he was more worried about whether the rest of his life would be lived in Mono than finding another girl to date.

That, and he was still a little mad at her for not letting him spend more with Pyrrha...but mostly the ear thing.

"Oh it's not _that_ bad, you big baby; I can think of a _much_ worse place to be grabbing you right now…!~"

Jaune decided to _not_ think about what she meant by that, for the sake of his sanity.

"And anyway," she continued, "soon you'll be swimming in so much tail before long you won't even _care_ that you only have one functioning ear!"

Jaune found no comfort in that statement.

"Now let's see…," the fairy mused, finally coming to a stop, "not her, not her, not her- _definitely_ not her! I mean, who _deliberately_ wears purple and green together?"

As [not] fascinating as Kyu's selection process was, Jaune kind of had more important, immediate concerns to worry about.

"Can I have my ear back?" he pleaded, "I promise I won't run off." Kyu sighed but relented, releasing her surprisingly strong grip on the young Huntsman. "Thanks."

"You know, if you'd just followed my suggestion I wouldn't have had to drag you out here in the first place, would I?" she pointed out.

Jaune declined to comment. He didn't want to piss off his Love Fairy (that was never not going to sound ridiculous…), but he was beginning to have some doubts about validity of her latest "advice"; dating multiple girls at once wasn't his idea of "fun", especially with the enormous potential for body harm, to his person, if any of them somehow thought he was cheating on them.

Kyu must have noticed his uncertainty, because she stopped scanning the crowds of passing students and focused on him, her expression softening.

"Look, there's nothing to worry about," she explained to him, "all you're doing is hanging out with a few different girl to see which of them strikes your fancy. If you hit it off with any of them, great! If not, then they probably weren't right for you in the first place.

"It's all part of the process, and it isn't just a 'one and done' thing either; I did say this would take some time, didn't I?" she reminded him.

She didn't say that, but…it actually made Jaune feel a little better about the whole thing. Not by much, but it still helped ease his worries.

"So all these girls _won't_ beat me to a pulp if they find out what I'm doing?" he asked.

She nodded. "That's usually the case, though there's always the chance one of 'em could turn out to be a bug nuts crazy Yandere or something like that."

Jaune didn't know what a "Yandere" was, but it sounded terrifying, and he gulped at the thought that there was still the possibility of him living the rest of his life in a body cast, or worse!

He felt a little silly for worrying about chronic tinnitus when _that_ was possible!

"But there's only, like, a 1-in-13 chance of that _actually_ happening," she waved dismissively, "so I'm sure you'll be fine!" She then went back to scanning the crowd, pulling out her weird looking Scroll, "OK, now which of these Honeys should you mack on next? Maybe I should see what the poll says..."

And just like that he was back to doubting his Love Fairy's (...yep, still weird) incredibly vague and highly questionable motives.

"OK," she hummed, raising an eyebrow, "I can work with that!" She put her Scroll away and turned to Jaune. "You wouldn't happen to know a 'Ruby', would you?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah," he said, "I met her on my first day here. Why?"

Kyu perked up, a wide grin spreading across her face.

"Because she's close, and she's single!" Then the fairy grabbed Jaune again and headed off with a purpose in her flutter. "Let's go!"

" _Ohw ohw ohw ohw ohw ohw ohw ohw!_ " he nasally cried out as Kyu now lead him around by the nose.

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

Like Kyu said, Ruby was relatively close by, snacking on a bag of cookies by a pair of vending machines.

"OK, so according to my research," the fairy said, "she should be incredibly receptive to you hanging out with her, so just head on over there and make contact so you can eventually 'make contact', if you know what I mean!"

"...Hey, Kyu? I have a question."

"Fire away, Brohiem!"

"Um...why are we hiding?"

The pair of them were hiding just around the corner from Ruby, though more specifically, Jaune was hiding; since no one could see her anyway, Kyu was just standing carelessly in the middle of the hall as the occasional student passed by and gave him a weird glance.

Kyu turn to the scraggly teen. "ProTip, Playa," she explained, "girls tend to frown on the whole 'somebody's watching me' thing; it's creepy, and potentially grounds for the governing Love Fairy to enact a Code: Purple."

"Code: Purple": yet another vaguarity about the Love Fairy profession that now plagued Jaune's mind.

"So that's why you're hiding, because standing out on the open and staring at her is a big no-no. Besides, chicks really dig the whole Destiny thing, so it's better if your first meeting seems like a coincidence or an accident or the like. Anyway, get over there and offer to buy her a snack!"

Jaune nodded, and was about to do just that when he realized something. "Wait, didn't she just eat something?"

"Just ask her!" Kyu barked, tossing him into the hallway. She waggled her eyebrows, " _Trust me_ , it'll _totally_ pay off!"

Jaune wasn't sure he liked what she was implying, and the waggling eyebrows didn't help matters either. Still, he really had nothing to lose at this point, so he screwed up his courage and headed over to the vending machines, hopefully looking more calm and confident than he felt.

 _OK, this'll be a piece of cake, right? Ruby and I already know each other, so it won't seem too odd if I offer to buy her something, right? Right! And besides, we're both team leaders, so it'd be a good idea to get on better terms with her and her team in the long_ -

"Oh hi, Jaune!"

Jaune skidded to a stop, nearly repeating his earlier encounter with his fellow team leader. He stared down at Ruby, who in turn stared up at him, coolly munching on a cookie.

"Uh, hi Ruby! ...Um, fancy meeting you here?" he said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head.

She shrugged, "I guess; I had a free period and I was feeling hungry, so I figured this was as good as possible on short notice." She swallowed her cookie and popped another one into her mouth. "Hey, did you hear that Pyrrha's giving a combat demonstration in Ms. Goodwitch's class?" she asked.

"Yeah, I may have heard that...," he said, flinching at the reminder at he could have been hanging out with his teammate right now. But there was no sense dwelling on what might have been, especially since Kyu would apparently just drag him wherever she pleased anyway. "So!...uh, you want to hang out for a bit?"

"*gulp!* Sure!" she chirped, "My next class isn't for a while, so I've got some free time." She tossed her empty cookie bag in a nearby trashcan. "Now come on," she said, "I know _exactly_ what we can do!" Then she grabbed Jaune's arm and dragged him along, pulling him behind her.

 _At least she's not as rough as Kyu,_ he mentally sighed, relieved he wouldn't have to worry about losing his arms; he was kind of attached to those. _I wonder what she has in mind?_

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

"I'm so _sooooo_ sorry!" she apologized, "I just sorta get carried away sometimes. ...you gonna be OK? Should we take you to the infirmary?"

Jaune moaned, wishing he were back in bed. He'd thought that Ruby would want to do something simple, like hang around the City or go to the Vytal Festival, not drag him to the practice arena and utterly beat him into submission! Granted, she didn't seem like she was into "normal girl" things, but that didn't make it any less emasculating that she'd pretty much unequivocally wiped the floor with his butt. (Not to mention the rest of him.)

"Yeah, don't worry about me," he said, trying to will back his tears of shame, "my body absorbed most of the damage, no bigee…."

"OK, that's good!" Ruby chirped, suddenly back to usual cheerful demeanor.

 _I wish she phrased that differently_ …, Jaune moaned at the unfortunate and accidental implications of the crimsonette's statement.

"So do you wanna make it best 2 out of 3?" she asked, turning her head upside down so as to properly converse with her sparring partner.

"No thanks." He let himself slide into his back before sitting upright. "Why don't we take a break?"

"Alright." She plopped down next to him, "So...what now?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. Talk?"

"OK...what should we talk about?"

 _Damn it!_ he cursed, _I thought_ she _was_ _going to take the lead here!_

He didn't know if he could handle taking the lead in a conversation like this, despite talking so easily with Pyrrha 15 minutes ago; as much as he contributed, she'd been the one to keep things going whenever things started to get awkward, asking him questions of her own and prompting him to elaborated on his answers.

He tried to think of a good icebreaker, but it turned out to be a more daunting task than he'd anticipated. Not that he wasn't able to come up with things to say, but they were either groan worthy pickup lines like "Hey girl, nice cape. Wanna make out?", or things like "So do _you_ believe in fairies?" that even _he_ thought were stupid.

He wished Kyu had at least told him a little about Ruby so he would have a better idea what topics would interest her.

He glanced over at his fellow team leader, who'd since taken her weapon out (It hadn't been _that_ long, had it?) and was tinkering with it, adjusting blots with a little wrench.

Then he recalled the conversation they had on their first day at the school.

" _Aren't you the guy who threw up on the ship?"_

" _N- ...yeah."_

 _I hope her sister isn't still mad about that…,_ he thought before mentally scanning his memory forward to the important part.

" _I'm kind of a dork when it comes to weapons," she explained, cradling her weapon in its gun form, "I guess I_ did _go a little overboard when designing it…."_

"So...why'd you choose a scythe?" Jaune ventured. Given that it was the only detail about her he could immediately recall about the hooded Huntress in training, he felt it was a safe topic to broach. "Isn't it kinda hard to wield?"

"It was at first," she explained, keeping her eyes focus on the task at hand, "I was always falling over 'cause I wasn't used to the balance, or 'cause I put too much follow through on a swing, or I'd accidentally drop it and it would transform on me...but then Qrow- that's my uncle, -gave me a bunch of pointers and I got a lot better." Then she tucked the wrench back into her cloak and took out a little screwdriver in its place. "I guess that's one of the reasons why Professor Ozpin asked me to come here," she shrugged.

Jaune blinked in shock at the revelation. He knew Ruby was a great fighter, his aching _everything_ was proof enough of that, but to be asked by the headmaster of the school himself to attend? That was the kind of thing that only happened to prodigies, or people from well known families!

The irony of his own admission to Beacon (and the method in which said admission was acquired) was not lost on him.

"So how about you?" she asked back, looking up from her work with curious, silver eyes, "Who taught you how to fight?"

"Ghk!" he said, slightly thrown by the question. "Um, well…-"

"I bet it was some old Huntsman that lived out in the farthest corner of Mistral, or maybe you were taught by your parents who passed the ancient family secrets onto you one they thought you are ready, or something like that!" she rattled off before catching herself, "Eh heh, or, you know, you could have just went to a combat school…." She poked her fingers together sheepishly.

If Jaune didn't know any better, he could have sworn and been talking to his teammate Nora behind his back….

Regardless, she was still waiting for him to answer the question, but he couldn't really do that without revealing things that would almost certainly get him kick out of the school.

"I...taught myself how to fight," he went with, hoping that the little bit of truth there was in the statement would sell the lie. "I never really went to a combat school or had a proper teacher, I just sort of picked it up on my own, I guess."

"Ohhhhh…!" Ruby said, comprehension dawning on her face, "That pretty cool; it's sorta like in fairy tales when the Hero takes up his family's sword and trains day and night to go out on and epic quest to beat the bad guy and save Remnant!"

 _I think you're overselling it just a tad…_ , he grimaced.

"I suppose," he shrugged noncommittally.

"So you wanna go for another round?" the young girl asked, abruptly switching gears, "There's still some time left before the next class, and I promise not throw you into the walls as much this time!"

Jaune sighed but reluctantly stood back up. _The things I do to get a girlfriend…,_ he bemoaned.

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

"What happened to _you_?" Kyu asked as Jaune trudged back to the vending machines.

"I got caught in a rose tornado," he said, limping slightly. "Have you ever been in a fight with someone who was personally invited to a Huntsmen academy by its headmaster? Because I have, and it's not pleasant."

Kyu just stared at the bruised young man curiously. "You know," she said, "normally the guy's supposed to say 'I let them win' or something equally as macho." Eventually she waved it off, "Eh, it doesn't matter as long as you got the girl in the end. Speaking of which, did you?" Her eyes sparkled in anticipation of the answer.

"Well," Jaune said, "she told me 'let's do this again sometime' before she headed off to class, so it's possible." He sighed, "Though next time, I _really_ hope she wants to do something that's a little more forgiving to my person…."

"Well, you won't know until it happens," the Love Fairy advised sagely. "In the mean time, shouldn't you be getting your tush to your next class? Who knows? There might be a cute Honey there that catches your eye!"

' _Because you won't get chewed out for being tardy,'_ he added in his mind, tiredly heading in that direction, ' _not at all! It's not like this is a school or anything!'_

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

 _ **Kyu's Naughty Confessions blog })i({**_

 _ **Big things in small packages...giggity.**_

 _Hey there sexy people, it's Kyu})i({ again! Sorry about the dry spell, I've been busy with…"other things" that ate up my "time" |-D, but I'm back now, so let's get to what you all come here for!_

 _Poll results! \\(^w^)/_

 _But seriously, thanks to everyone who voted while it was up, you guys are both awesome and strangely precognitive. Who would have thunk the highest voted Honey would be the next one Mr. Adorkable ran into? ...OK, so_ maybe _I nudged him in the right direction based on the results (^-^'), but can you really blame me? The guy can't mack on women to save his life; sometimes drastic measures need to be taken!_

 _Anyway, this date was pretty different from the last one, that's for sure! For starters, the Honey this time was a girl he met on his (and hers, by association) first day at school! It's a little cliché (he he, height jokes!) but that just makes them all the more cute as a couple! (o^-^o)! They sparred for a while, with Sir Scraggly gallantly held himself back so as not to outshine fair maiden and_ totally _didn't get his butt handed to him on a silver platter, heh heh heh…. (^-^') Then they talked for a little while, and while it still needs confirmation I feel there's a good chance those two crazy kids will meet up again in the future. (Ruby = Hearts x2.)_

 _And now for the comments! Still not very many…. (-_-). C'mon people, I want to interact with you! Me: Kyu Sugardust! It's like my crack!_

 _Anyway, XBossLadyX says "That Pyrrha Nikos girl reminds me a little of my sister Artemis." You know, now that you mention it, I can kinda see it! Very interesting…. (*thinking*)_

 _OG_cupid says "Um, excuse me Sugardust, but WHO_ _is the one everybody associates with this gig?" Dude, tone down your ego a bit; people think of the_ old _you, back before you were able to braid your_ armpit hair _! Xp_

 _(not that)_blu_gurl34 says "This seems interesting, though the fairy shtick seems a bit much." Ain't no shtick about me, Honeycakes; I'm the genuine article, wings and all!_

 _And that's it. (T^T) Be sure to vote on the new poll this week, and_ pleeeaaase _ask me questions! I'm needy, and not always in the way batteries can fix. So until next time, see you sexy people later! })i({_


	5. Difficulty Spike

**A/N: Only poll votes count in choosing who Jaunes dates next; votes cast in reviews and PMs DON'T COUNT and will be summarily ignored.**

 _Chapter 4: Difficulty Spike_

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

" _So then I rabble rabble rabble before the cake was rabble rabble as thirty of his fellows rabble rab-rabble rabble with my bear hands!"_

Jaune groaned, his forehead making a "thunk!" sound as he let it fall onto the desk in front of him; it wasn't that he didn't _want_ to pay attention to Professor Port, the man was arguably one of the more entertaining teachers at Beacon, but his long winded speeches tended to make it more difficult than normal to actually figure out what the points of his lessons were.

"Zeus' sexual appetites, I don't even think he's taken a _breath_ since he started!"

Kyu's color commentary wasn't really helping matters either.

"I mean, I've known guys with _stamina_ before, _if you know what I mean_ , but this is just _ridiculous_!"

He glanced over at the Love Fairy sitting next to him (For crying out loud, did she _really_ have to put her legs up like that?!) her expression one of utter disbelief. Given the way she was dressed and her need to use innuendos all the time, he'd assumed she wasn't someone who was shocked easily.

If the rest of her wasn't so... _distracting,_ he might have reveled a bit at _her_ discomfort for once.

However, it seemed that fate had other plans for him, because he suddenly felt something bounce off his head, landing on the desk next to his face: it was a crumpled up piece of paper, rather unremarkable in its own right.

After checking to make sure Port wasn't paying attention to him- he wasn't; he was in middle explaining something about "the one in the hole" -Jaune uncrumpled the paper, finding a note on the inside.

"OK, _that's_ disturbing, and that's saying something coming from _me!_ " Kyu proclaimed at the Professor's narrative. She glanced over at her "charge", "Ain't that right- ...hey, whatcha got there, a love letter?"

It took Jaune a moment register what the Love Fairy said, and once he did tried to hide it from her.

"N-n-no!" he stammered, "W-why would you ask th-that?"

"Um...because your stammering begs to differ," she pointed out. "That and the hiding it when I asked thing."

Jaune hoped he was only imagining his face turning the same color as Ruby's cape.

Kyu chuckled, "But for real, dude, I asked to get a reaction out of you, and let me tell you, you delivered in _Spades_!"

Now Jaune felt stupid; he hadn't even _read_ the darn thing yet! Ignoring the snickering Fairy for the moment he turned his attention back to the paper and gave it a read.

The good news was that it wasn't a love letter!

The bad news, on the other hand….

" _Meet me by the ferry dock after class, Vomit Boy,"_ it read, " _I've been hearing things about you that I don't think I like, and if you don't have a good explanation for them, I'll make the rest of your life a living hell!"_ Jaune gulped at that part _. "And I'm pretty good at finding people, so don't even think about not showing."_ There wasn't a signature at the end; instead, it was signed with a cartoon dragon head that had angry eyes. There was also a postscript that said " _I'm sure you're smart enough to come alone."_

The bad news was that someone was already out for his blood.

Had he even been here long enough to make an arch enemy?

"'Vomit Boy'?" the fairy snorted, reading the note over his shoulder, "Oh, I bet there's a good story behind _that_!"

"...I get air sick, OK?" he shamefully admitted. Not wanting to further draw attention to that little flaw of his he asked "So what am I going to about _this_?", gesturing to the message.

Kyu squinted her eye at the note, staying that way for a solid minute before giving a shrug. "I guess you're just gonna have to deal with this; it'd kinda suck if you were out macking on a Honey and this douche came out of nowhere and clocked you right in the kisser. ...and stole your girl. ...and covered your face in pictures of di-"

" _I get it!_ " Jaune shouted; he was more than familiar enough with the general practices of schoolyard bullies, he didn't need Kyu rubbing it in his face!

"Congratulations Mr. Arc!" Professor Port suddenly called out, "If you understand, then you can demonstrate the principle for the rest of the students; and lucky you, I just got a new Edgar for just this purpose!" The rotund man gestured to a shadowy cage that was grueling and shaking around.

Jaune gulped.

 _Why me?..._

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

By the time Jaune made it to the dock he nearly collapsed on the spot; fighting a single Boarbatusk was a lot harder than he thought it would be, especially considering he's went up against far tougher monsters before and won! Well...it was more like "survived", and his team did most of the fighting...the point was that he got bashed around a lot before he managed to flip the Grimm on its back and stab it to death.

He was beginning to wonder if his fight(/massacre) with Ruby had depleted more of his Aura than he thought….

"Well, this looks like the place," Kyu said from next to him, "Not nearly as nice as the one in Sky Garden, though." She looked over at Jaune, frowning. "Something on your mind there, dude?"

He narrowed his eyes at her, "...I can't help but feel that you're mocking me, floating like that."

Kyu grinned smugly, "Hey, I can't help it if using my wings is second nature to me! All fairies learn how to fly at a young age, and some go their whole lives without standing on the ground."

It of course got Jaune curious about his...well, "guardian angel" sounded too flattering. "Do you ever use your legs?" he asked.

She waggled her eyebrows in response. "Well, that depends on what you mean by 'using them'...~" she said, grinning smugly at the blush on Jaune's face, "But yeah, I can walk just fine; it's just easier to use my wings."

Jaune nodded, trying to NOT think about what she meant about "using her legs" and not really succeeding.

Before any of the more lurid scenarios in his mind could play out someone shouted "Yo, Vomit Boy!" from behind him, causing both he and his Fairy companion to turn and face the speaker.

Needless to say, Jaune was surprised when he saw Yang Xiao-Long, the blonde haired member of Team RWBY striding towards him, a dangerous look in her eyes. He'd honestly been expecting someone like Cardin to get behind the note, given that the bully often made Jaune's life slightly less enjoyable...but the primal instinct deep inside him that was screaming at him to flee made him think that _this person_ was the greater of two evils

"Wow, she looks _pissed_ ," Kyu helpfully supplied. "ProTip: tread carefully."

"What, no innuendo?" he couldn't help asking out of the side of his mouth.

"Dude, she's scaring _me_ right now, and I've brushed elbows with people whose anger could rip the planet a new one if they so wanted," she whispered, "I'll come up with something later, once Blonde McG-cups cools off."

If _she cools off_ , he thought sardonically.

Then he immediately regretted thinking that as Yang came to a stop right in front of him, looking him right in the eye.

Kyu began not so subtly inching away from Jaune, "Yeah, I'm just gonna...Good luck!"

"So," Yang said, tapping her foot, "I hear you and Ruby were hanging out earlier."

"Uh, yeah," he answered, trying to hold his meager composure together, "we were sparring earlier. ...why?"

"Because I have a _very_ vested interest in her wellbeing, seeing as she's my sister and all."

Jaune gulped. _This_ was Ruby's sister? The two of them were so different that he never would have made the connection in his own!

Though that would explain why they were always together during the Initiation….

"And," Yang continued, "since she's only fifteen, it's _my_ job to make sure she doesn't get hurt before she's ready to deal with it on her own."

Jaune gulped again. _She's_ fifteen _?!_ he fretted, _I just thought she was short for her age!_

"Which, since our dad's not here, means _I_ have the pleasure of screening her boyfriends."

 _...well Life, we've had a good run, haven't we? We've always been close, so I'll miss you once you're gone._

"So…." She brought up her fist and pounded into her other hand, still glaring at him as she repeated the process a couple more times for good measure. "What are you intentions towards my baby sister?"

Jaune thought he felt his pants getting a little damp, but he was too afraid to check, fearing she would turn into a monster and devour him if he broke eye contact.

"N-n-nothing!" he stammered, "I-I don't have _any_ intentions towards Ruby!" (It was technically a lie, but living was _slightly_ more important at the moment than being 100% truthful.) "We just sparred and talked for a bit between classes, that's all!" When Yang didn't make a move to knock his lights out he asked, against his better judgment, "Um...how did you hear about that?"

"A little bird in a red hood told me. Which would have been fine, except that she mentioned how weird your butt looked."

There was silence for a moment.

"...I can honestly say that it's not as bad as you're thinking."

The fact that Yang was still glaring at him suspiciously didn't bolster his confidence levels any.

"I don't know if I believe you yet," she said, "but you've got until we reach our destination to convince me." She suddenly grabbed his arm and dragged him towards an airship that was boarding passengers.

 _...Life? Will you hold me one more time before you leave?_

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

" _Oh you are so_ DEAD _, Vomit Boy!"_ Yang cried as she prepared to deliver Jaune the finishing blow.

"Just make it quick," he sighed, resigning himself to defeat. He'd done everything he could to keep this from happening, but the power of Yang Xiao-Long was just too much for him in the end.

" _K.O.!"_ the game announced as Yang's character performed a flashy uppercut move on his, sending it into the top of the level. " _Player 1 wins!"_

"Yus!" the blonde girl cheered, doing a small fistpump. "Told you I was good at this game!" she boasted.

"Yeah," he admitted, "you are." After he gone through what happened on his "date" with Ruby (with many uncomfortably penetrating questions about his intentions at every point he detailed) and assured Yang that he simply wanted to be friends with the younger girl she'd lightened up immensely, much to his great relief. She was actually pretty cheerful and upbeat, if perhaps a tad blunt at times. When they arrived in Vale she'd lead (not dragged) him through the city until they'd reached a little arcade parlor, at which point he'd commented that that she didn't seem the type who enjoyed video games.

This was the sixth cabinet they'd played on, with the score 6-0 in Yang's favor.

This last loss was especially emasculating because Jaune was actually _good_ at this particular game.

"So wadaya say," the blonde asked, "best 7 out of 13?"

Not surprisingly, Jaune _didn't_ want to have his meager gamer cred crushed any further.

"Actually, could we take a break for a bit?" he asked. "I'm kinda feeling a little thirsty, to be honest."

Yang shrugged, "I guess. Hey, grab me something too, will ya?"

"Not to sound rude, but...why?"

"You lost," she said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, "so you get the snacks. Besides, I paid for both our tickets over here."

He couldn't really argue with that.

She jerked her thumb behind her, "There's a couple vending machines over there; I'll take anything high in calories."

As Jaune trudged over to the vending machines he wondered why the universe went out of its way to make _him_ of all people suffer. While he pondered this (and picked out the drinks) his Scroll buzzed on his pocket. He pulled it out and saw that he'd gotten a text message from one of his teammates: Pyrrha Nikos, to be precise.

Curious what she had to say to him, he opened it up.

 _#Hello Jaune,#_ it read, _#I was surprised you didn't come watch my exhibition for Ms. Goodwitch's class.#_

He mentally shot Kyu the bird for making him miss that.

 _#I'm not angry about it, I'm sure you must have had other obligations.#_

He mentally flipped Kyu off harder.

# _So in light of that, I attached a picture someone took during the match. I hope you like it.#_

Jaune was about to mentally give Kyu the Finger as hard as he could before doing a double take at the last line of the text. He scanned to the bottom of the text and, sure enough, there was a tiny icon of a baby pin. He tapped it, his Scroll switching to its wide mode as the photo loaded.

He didn't know who the photographer was, but they definitely knew how to take a good picture; the image was of Pyrrha fighting against a quartet of opponents- he recognized them as Team CRDL -in the middle of pitched battle. CRDL's leader, Cardin, appeared to be swinging his mace right at Pyrrha's head, wholly two of the others (Jaune didn't remember their names) were attacking her from either side, the one using knives dealing with Pyrrha's shield. The fourth member of CRDL was in the middle of falling backwards, apparently having been kicked or something. Though she was facing away from the camera her head was turned to the side, and he could see a look of calm determination and focus on her face, like she had everything under control and she knew it.

This person's camera must have been pretty amazing too, because he was easily able to make out every bead of sweat on their bodies.

"Whatchya looking at?" Yang asked, suddenly appearing behind him. After [totally not] shrieking like a little girl he clumsily closed his Scroll, not missing how the chesty blonde girl was trying to sneak a peak at it.

"It's nothing," he said, pocketing the device, "One of my teammates texted me, something school related."

He hoped his sweat wasn't as noticeable as the stuff in the picture had been.

"...OK, whatever then. You get my drink yet?"

Jaune let out a mental sigh of relief; he'd been expecting her to press the issues, not accept it and move on.

"I was, uh, just about to." He dig out a Lien card from his pocket and slid it into the machine, hitting the button for People Like Grapes soda. There was a clunking noise as the offending drink fell into the receiver bucket. "Here," he said, handing the soda to Yang.

"Thanks." She took the can and popped the tab, guzzling it all down before he even had a chance to purchase his own beverage. "Ahhhh, that hit the spot!" she sighed, crushing the can flat and chucking it into s nearby trash can. "Now hurry up! Those zombies aren't going to headshot themselves for Round 7!"

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

By the time he got back to Beacon Jaune was more than a little mentally exhausted. He and Yang had gone for twelve more rounds in arcade games, and he's lost every single time. Sure, it wasn't as bad as getting owned in mock combat by a fifteen year old, but at that pain would fade with time.

Hits to his pride? Not so much.

He was honestly a little surprised to find Kyu waiting for him as he stepped off the airship, given how quickly she ran away before.

"Well, you're still alive," she observed, "so I guess that means things went smoothly?"

Jaune nodded.

"Then you gotta tell me how things went with Blonde and Busty- Wait." The fairy looked around, "Where'd she go; I thought you two left together?"

"She told me she had something she needed to take care of in town and than I should just head back," he explained, "and she mentioned wanting to hang out like that again sometime."

Upon hearing this Kyu's face immediately lit up like a light; gone were any traces of fear she once had for Yang Xiao-Long.

"That's _perfect_!" she cried, I don't know what moves you pulled to quell her anger, but dude, I bow to your prowess!" She made a little curtsy with the hens of her [very] see through top. Then she grabbed him by the arms and dragged him back towards the school, "You _have_ to tell me everything that happened, and don't skip on the deets!"

 _Hello Pain, my old friend_ ….

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

 _ **Kyu's Naughty Confessions blog })i({**_

 _ **Pound me not.**_

 _Hey sexy people, it's Kyu})i({ again! Sorry this update is a tad behind schedule |-D, but it took me a little while to weasel all the information out of the Playa._

 _So let's not waste any time and get right to it!_

 _So Vomit Boy (*snerk*, I_ love _that nickname!) was listening to the longest wind bag EVAR when out of nowhere he gets this note that tells him to meet the sender at a secluded spot and to not bring any witnesses all ominous like. (0o0) Sounds like something a serial would write, right?_

 _Well (and this is the part I needed explained to me because I_ might _have left Jauney Boy to the wolves to save own flawless skin… (-_-')) it turns out that the person he was meeting was the older sister of Ruby, the last Honey he took on a "date", though you couldn't tell just by looking at them. And let me tell you, she was_ not _happy that Vomit Boy was macking on her little sister, that's for sure ( o ); I've known_ GODS _who aren't as rage prone! But anyway, he explained the situation to Yang (you know, Miss G-cups?) and apparent she was alright with whatever he told her- I learned this part second hand, remember? -and they decided to hang around Vale city for a while._

 _And you guys wanna know something cool? She's a girl gamer! XD And a pretty good one too, judging by how dejected the Playa was when I asked him about it. (T^T) Which just goes to show you not to underestimate us girls!_

 _Anyway, after a few rounds of pounding (...giggity.) they parted ways, with the promise to do this again some other time. And I don't know about the rest of you guys, but that sounds like a win to me! (Yang = Hearts x2.)_

 _Also, Pyrrha sent him a really nice picture of her \\(^o^)/ beating down some shmucks, and looking_ damn fine _doing it!_

 _But enough if that, let's look at the comments!_

 _(not that)_blu_gurl34 says "badass Red Riding Hood is awesome! (Would cosplay.)" She_ is _awesome, and now I want to see that cosplay; sent pics!_

 _OG_cupid says "Leave my armpit hair out of this!" ….(O_O) Uh...no comment._

 _SpecialMonitor22 says "Huh...that interaction with Ruby actually went a TAD bit better than I thought it would go. But still, gotta give hime credit. He managed to stay there the while time and not chicken out, Progress son...progress. [...] Keep up the good work, Fairy Person!" Thanks dawg, I_ will _keep up the good work! (And props to Vomit Boy for not being a pussy and surviving his second date as well!)_

 _XBossLadyX says "Miss Rose seems quite skilled for one so young." Right? Especially since she's still younger than the rest of them here!_

 _And that about wraps it up for this post. Got an idea who Vomit Boy (OK, OK, I'll give that a rest now. ...maybe. |-D) dates next? Vote on my poll! And if you have any comments or questions for lil' old Me, let me know and I'll address them next time!_

 _And speaking of next time, see you sexy people later! })i({_


	6. Subquests

_Chapter 5: Subquests_

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

After Jaune informed his fairy companion of how his "date" with Yang went he'd resumed attending classes, making his way to Dr. Oobleck's class with a strange mixture of relief and disinterest; on one hand he was glad that he probably wouldn't be called out for skipping (the teachers were uncharacteristically lax at Beacon Academy for some reason), but on the other hand History was one of his worst subjects, along with Combat, Gen. Studies, Applied Dust Theory, Social Studies, Assembly Hall….

Shut up, he managed to pass all of his classes! Granted it was often by the skin of his teeth...but still!

"Mercury's Jockstrap, this guy talks even more than the _last_ one!" Kyu exclaimed, her eyes looking like they could pop out of her head at the slightest provocation. "I mean, that fat guy with the mustache rambled on, but this is just bordering on _parody_!"

Jaune nodded at the Love Fairy's assessment. It wasn't like he really had anything substantial to add anyway, Oobleck's abnormal speed was odd even for Beacon and he couldn't figure out why.

He was sure any effort put to the task would only result in the road to lost sanity.

He glanced around the hall, curious what the other student's reactions were since his invisible hanger-on was pretty much an open book at the moment. That and it gave him something else to focus on that _wasn't_ Kyu's shockingly risqué outfit, but he'd give the first reason if she decided to ask him about it.

Much to his surprise, everyone else seemed to be paying attention to the hyper teacher, with only a few students looking vaguely confused or befuddled. He noticed that Ruby looked utterly flabbergasted, and he felt a little better that he had a friend he could relate to about this. (Not counting Kyu, of course.)

If he looked hard enough, he could almost make out a little bit of drool trailing from her-

" _MR. ARC!"_

"I wasn't staring!" Jaune cried, startled alert by the teacher's shout. "...I mean, what?"

"I asked you what advantage the Faunus had that allowed them to win at the Battle of Fort Castle," Oobleck explained, "surely you were paying attention to the lesson and not using this class as an excuse to ogle the other students, right?"

The more chuckled he heard, the more he just wanted to melt into his seat.

"Well?" Oobleck urged, "We don't have all day, you know."

"Um…." Jaune wracked his brain for an answer; he was certain he knew the right answer, but for the life of him he couldn't remember what it was! "What allowed the Faunus to _win_ …," he stalled, "was…" It was right on the tip of his tongue, he could _feel_ it! Something to do with...looking? "...binoculars!"

Now it was full on guffaws that assaulted him.

"Mr. Arc, please see me after class," Oobleck says, a hint of disappointment evident in his voice, "I have some questions I'd like to ask you and _MISS VALKYRIE_!"

At his shout a girl with perky orange hair suddenly snorted and jerked upright, apparently having been sleeping.

"PANCAKES!" she shouted, before awareness kicked in and she realized she was still in class.

Oobleck turned to the boy sitting next to the formerly slumbering girl. "Please make sure Miss Valkyrie remembers to stay after class, won't you, Mr. Lie?" The boy nodded. "Good." Oobleck then took a quick gulp from his thermos, "Now, can anyone else hazard a _semi_ -educated guess?"

"...and I don't know about you, but a I think some of my Boss's family might be involved; I should probably ask about that," Kyu said, apparently having gone on a rant while Jaune was preoccupied. Now finished, she noticed him looking more glum than she remembered. "What the matter, Playa? You look like you got told to stay after class or something."

Jaune let his head fall onto the desk space in front of him.

" _MR. ARC_!"

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

"Hey, it could be worse," Kyu shrugged as Jaune sat in the school library, trying to read the assigned history book Oobleck had handed him; "trying" being the operative word because of the constant bleeping and blooping coming from Kyu's Scroll, "you could be stuck listening to that windbag with the mustache."

Not surprisingly, it wasn't much of a comfort.

"What are you even doing anyway?" he asked. She was sitting across from him, so he couldn't tell what all her taps and swipes were for.

Fortunately she didn't leave him to wonder; she paused what she was doing and turned the screen to him, showing a grid covered in many different colored shapes.

"It's called 'CherryPop', and it's _super_ addictive!" she explained, "You basically match the shapes in rows of three or more to score points that fill up a meter. Matching Cherries gives you a huge bonus." To prove her point she slid a cherry shape across the screen, matching it with two more on the other side. Those shapes disappeared and the ones above them fell into the empty space, with new shapes above those. "Wanna try?"

"...no thanks," Jaune said flatly, "I kind of need to write an essay about Fort Castle, in case you forgot."

"Suit yourself," Kyu shrugged, resuming her quest to "pop cherries".

Jaune sighed as the bleeping obnoxiously started up again.

After a minute Kyu suddenly slapped her forehead.

"Crap, why didn't I think of this earlier!" she exclaimed. "Dude, we should _totally_ find you a study partner!"

Jaune looked up from the text, blinking. It actually made sense to share the workload with someone else; they could compare notes, answer each other's questions (presumably), and having multiple brains meant that-

"It's the _perfect_ opportunity for some 'snuggling', if you know what I mean!~" she said, looking frantically around the library. "You don't happen to see any cute but dorky Honeys with low standards around here, do you?"

...he should have known better by now.

"Oooh! How about that one?" Kyu suggested. She pointed at another table a few rows away, where a girl with short orange hair was staring intently at a textbook even thicker than the one Jaune was reading from.

"You mean Nora?" he asked. He recognized her immediately, her being on his Team and all, and wondered what Kyu was talking about: Nora was loud, exuberant, random as random could get, and apparently prone to getting bored quite easily, if her episode during Oobleck's lecture was anything to go by. And while Jaune wouldn't go right to "cute" (Ruby was actually closer to his definition of the phrase), her near perpetual smile and positive attitude gave her an appeal that he could really define, if you could get past the randomness.

"Dorky" and "low standards" though? He'd never really gotten that impression from her.

"Yup!" Kyu nodded, popping the P, "I did some research while you and Blondie were having your little _rendezvous_ in town, so as to better help you find a mate-"

Jaune did really like the implications of having a "mate"...

"-and not die a virgin!"

Jaune felt a little smaller inside at the thought of dying old and alone.

"Or you'll become a powerful wizard when you turn 30, but I wouldn't put any faith in that rumor."

OK, now this was starting to get a little ridiculous. "Is there a point to this?" he asks.

"Yeah, it's that you should go over and talk to her!" She reached over and slammed his book closed, the sound echoing through the room. "You need a Study Buddy and you need a girlfriend, so this kills two birds with one stone!"

Despite her using the phrase "study buddy", Kyu once again had a good point.

"...you're not going to give up until I do this, are you?" he sighed, to which the fairy nodded resolutely. He stood up, "Fine, I'll go ask her."

"That's the spirit! Just remember, you don't want to appear too smart or she'll think you're asking her out of pity, and you don't want to appear too dumb or she'll think there's nothing in this for her." Her advice given, she gave him a pat on the back and told him "Now go get her, Tiger!"

After taking a deep breath Jaune made his way over to Nora's table, rehearsing how he would broach the subject of being study partners. _Hey girl, want some smarts to go with those looks?_ was out because that would imply that Nora _wasn't_ smart (she'd gotten into Beacon, after all.), as was _So...I kinda need a tutor_ , a. because he was plenty smart himself, and b. that wasn't what he wanted right now; he just wanted someone who could help him come up with what to write, and could maybe talk about the subject matter with them.

 _OK,_ he decided, _just walk up, say hi, and ask her if she minds working on this assignment with me. It should be easy, were on the same team after all, right?_

 _Yeah, this'll be fine._

"Hey Nora!" he said as he walked toward his teammate, waving jauntily, "What's-"

Without looking up from her textbook, which was propped upright on the table, Nora held up a finger Alonso directly in Jaune's face.

"Silence!" she declared, "This is a _really_ intense part I'm at!"

This...was not the response Jaune was expecting. Granted, it wasn't the worst case scenario where she outright told him to buzz off, but it still threw him for a slight loop. After all, what could be so intense about a history book?

Shrugging, he sat down opposite the ginger Huntress and tried to think of something to do while he waited for her to finish.

He didn't have to wait that long, since his Scroll decided to buzz a few seconds after he sat. He pulled it out and saw that he'd gotten another text message, this time from Ruby.

It read _#Hey Jaune! What's up? I just gave my Sweatheart a new coat of wax, and she's_ gorgeous _now! Take a look!#_

And that was it. There wasn't even an attachment with it or anything.

The Scroll buzzed again as another message was received, again from Ruby.

 _#Oops, forgot to actually send you the picture. Here you go!#_

He tapped the attachment icon and opened the Scroll to its wide mode to view the picture.

Sure enough, it was a picture of Ruby's combination scythe/sniper rifle in its scythe form, held up by the girl herself; she was holding it upright with one hand so the blade hung over her head, with the other hand propped on her hip. She cut a rather triumphant image, and it reminded Jaune of some of the paintings of his ancestors he'd seen.

The Scroll buzzed with yet another message from Ruby.

 _#I hope it turned out good, I had a bit of trouble getting my Scroll to stay upright to take the darn thing in the first place… Xp#_

Jaune chuckled and replied _#Dont worry, it turned out great.#_ , sending it on its merry way, tucking the device back in his pocket.

No sooner had he put his Scroll away than Nora slammed the book closed (announcing "Finished!" as she did) and carelessly tossed it behind her, accidentally hitting another student with it. She focused on Jaune, "So what can I do for you, oh fearless leader o' mine?"

"Uh, well," the scraggly haired Huntsman in training said, "I was just wondering if you wanted to-"

"Sure!" she blurted out before he could finish asking the question.

"...um...OK then? Should we stay here, or…?" he asked; things were not going quite like he assumed they would, and it was throwing him off.

Nora leaned in close, looking deadly serious. "Jaune," she said, "I have _literally_ spent _hours_ reading that boring old textbook." Oobleck's class had only ended an hour ago. "I _NEED_ to get out of here and do something _fun_!"

Well, so much for studying. He wanted to get the assignment over and done with, but Oobleck did say he had until tomorrow to turn in the essay, so maybe taking a little time to unwind would do him some good.

"So then where do you want to go?"

Nora didn't respond. Instead she got a manic twinkle in her eye and grabbed him by the arm.

 _Not again!..._

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

From inside team JNPR's room, the sounds of pitched battle could be heard.

"Mogar is _totally_ invincible!"

"No he's not; X-Ray and Vav would beat him with the power of reluctant teamwork and parkour mastery!"

"Mogar can _literally_ turn into a bear! When you can do that, _all other arguments are invalid_!"

"And Vav is 'British', what's your point?"

Despite the slight bit of boiling blood, Jaune was actually enjoying himself. Not to say that he didn't enjoy hanging out Pyrrha, Ruby and Yang, but his last two dates involved a lot of harm to his person, and Yang's date was more mentally draining than he would have expected. (Not to mention he was probably going to develop early onset carpal tunnel syndrome.)

But talking about comic books? Yeah, he was _all_ over that!

If only Nora wasn't so insistent on being _wrong…_.

" _Turns! Into! A! Bear!_ " she insisted, " _Argument! Invalid!_ "

"That doesn't even make any sense!" he protested. "And why do you even like Mogar comics anyway? He's just an overly violent meat head who goes around killing people for no reason-"

Jaune suddenly found himself staring down the barrel of Nora's grenade launcher/battle hammer.

Well, so much for not getting injured this time….

"Thems' fighting words, Jauney-boy!" she declared, "I wasn't aware you wanted your legs broken so badly."

Jaune gulped.

"But!" she added, "I'm willing to show you mercy if you take it back."

Jaune nodded rapidly, "Yeah, sure, I take it all back; Mogar's the kindest, sweetest guy there ever was! Cross my heart and hope to die!"

Now, some might see this as being spineless, but liked living too much to care.

"I _totally_ get why you like him!"

Nora continued holding him at 'nade point for a few seconds longer before casually tossing her weapon onto her bed. She headed over to the girls' dresser and begs an rifling through one of the drawers. A moment later she pulled something out and headed back to Jaune, shoving the object in his face.

"Read it," she demanded.

"Uh, sure," said, slightly muffled do to having his face smushed. "What if it?"

Nora withdrew the object, holding it before her reverently. "It's Mogar Vol.1," she explained, "the first seven issues of the groundbreaking comic series, collected into one hardcover volume."

 _She sounds like a commercial,_ he thought.

"I've had this since forever," she continued, "and it's one of my most prized possessions." She then thirst the book into his hands, "Now read it."

"Wha- ...are you sure?" he wondered, looking at the tome he now held; it was slightly faded, with numerous dents and almost as many scratches on the cover. The spine of the book wasn't in much better condition, looking like it would only take one good tear to rip it off. "Aren't you afraid I'll break it?"

"A little," she admitted, "but that's the best way I can think of to show how awesome Mogar really is."

 _Oh. OK, I guess it wouldn't hurt to-_

"Besides, making sure you don't break it is Magnhild's job!" She reached over and grabbed her weapon again, shifting it into it's hammer form.

Jaune chuckled nervously.

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

Kyu couldn't help but squeal as she peeked around the door into JNPR's room. She normally left Jaune to his own devices when on a date, remaining relatively close by to step in if things started to go south of course, but purely as an observer; she wouldn't directly interfere so long as the dates went smoothly, and so far they had been.

Still, that didn't mean she couldn't get her kicks watching her adorkable charge fumble about with the creatures of the opposite sex.

She was something of a voyeur that way.

After briefly glaring at the author for that remark she turned her attention back to Jaune and his date, who was looking over his shoulder as her read, pointing things out occasionally.

"Welp, I think it's safe to assume this is an unqualified success," she mused, pulling her HunieBee out of her cleavage, "Time to update the ol' blog! ...heh heh, whoever invented Hammerspace boobs was a _genius_!"

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

 _ **Kyu's Naughty Confessions blog })i({**_

 _ **Snugly Study Buddies. XD**_

 _Guess who's back, sexy people? Kyu})i({'s back, and she's got another hot, juicy love scoop for all y'all, fresh from the scene of the crime!_

 _So it started with Vomit Boy (*snerk!*...sorry, I think I got it out of my system now, I promise._ / _-D) doing a major fail in class like a_ bawse _! I mean, how did he even come up with 'binoculars' anyway? Regardless, he got assigned extra work because of it, and guess who he ran into in the library when he was doing research in the library?_

 _No, not Misty Peaks, as mind blowing (And other things….giggity._ / _-D_ / _-D_ / _-D) as that would be._

 _It was his teammate Nora! You remember, the girl that was sleeping through Speedy MacSpeedington's speedy lecture? Yeah, she was there too, studying for her own whatever. So at the wise advice of his beautiful,_ ravishing _advisor in matters of Love (=^w^=), he asked her if she wanted to be Study Buddies, only for her to turn the tables on him and drag him off to her room._

 _And before you ask, no, it didn't lead to Snu-Snu, as awesome as that would have been (TwT)...Instead they talked about comic books, which lead to them having a huge Nerd off. Which was boring until she showed him her special book. (Again, nothing sexy like I was hoping for…) Then they started reading it together, which just lead to more nerd speak, so I'm gonna leave them be for now and check back later when they start speaking English again._

 _However, I think I can safely say that those two hit it off, and that more nerdy dates are in their futures (Nora = Hearts x2)_

 _Now let's get to those sweet, sweet comments! \\(^w^)/_

 _XBossLadyX says "Miss Xiao-Long is certainly a blessed young woman." Hells yeah she is! I mean, did you see dat rack on her? Girl could win prizes at the county fair with those mellons!_

 _Cypher DS asks "If Yang chaperones any future meetings between Jaune and Ruby, does that make it a double date?" That's a really good question, Cypher, but it's not a date if the other person is only there to keep you from having fun. So no, it doesn't._

 _That said, it_ would _be interesting to see those two fight it out over his affections like he was a piece of meat. Maybe in the future when they all get closer? We'll see._

 _*sigh*...Trixie Dinglebells}_ _{ asks "Hey Sugarbutt (_T_), ever notice how the Great Goddess keep assigning you to these hopeless, bottom-of-the-barrel losers? Do you suppose it's because you'll relate through your shared patheticness? [...] Oh-ho-ho-ho!" (-w-*)...well, DINGLEBERRY, maybe it's because I'm so good at what I do that Venus gives ME the jobs no one else can handle! Remind me again,_ how many _assignments have you been given above C grade? As in, C for [word deleted]! So "(_X_)" with sugar on top!_

 _Moving on to less SKANKY subjects, (not that)_blu_gurl says "Gamer chicks represent! Put those chauvinistic pig dogs in their place!" Well, I wouldn't necessarily call the Playa a "chauvinist pig dog", but go right ahead and keep taking pride in being a gamer girl! Just don't turn into a FemiNazi… (BT dubs, still waiting for pics of that cosplay!)_

 _THEMistypeaks says "Kind of a shame that Yang girl is wasting her more…marketable 'talents'." I'd comment on that if I weren't busy squeeing over the fact that THE Misty Peaks is reading my blog! Xp Xp Xp! OMFG girlfriend, I'm like, your BIGGEST fan EVAR! Call me, we should_ totally _do lunch sometime! (You like hot dogs, right?)_

 _And finally, OG_Cupid says "The ladies love me, Sugardust; you're just jealous!" Yeah, cuz I'm going to be jealous of a 3000 year old midget with braided armpit hair, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night, dude._

 _And that's it for now! Be sure to vote on my poll for who you think Lover Boy should date next, and keep sending me questions!_

 _In the meantime, I'ma go do some more research until Nerd and Nerdette are done nerding. ~,~ See you sexy people later! })i({_


	7. Sneaking Mission

_Chapter 5: Sneaking Mission_

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

" _Dude, let me see 'em!_ " Kyu whined as she tried to get a better view of Jaune's Scroll, which he was doing his best to prevent. He'd returned from his "date" with Nora to Kyu pestering him how it went (she also mumbled something about "nerds mating", but he chose to ignore that bit) like she usually did, plus her insistence on see the photos he'd received.

How had she even learned about them anyway?

"No fair you get to jog all the sexy pictures to yourself!"

"Why do you even care?" he asked, swiping the device out of her reach for the umpteenth time that minute, "They're just pictures."

Kyu let out an exasperated sigh. " _Because,_ depending on what's _in_ the picture, it can tell you how into you the girl is," she explained. "It's like when- Look! It's that famous actor you like!" she suddenly exclaimed, pointing in a random direction.

Jaune's face immediately lit up. "You mean Spruce Willis?" he wondered, looking around for the celebrity in question.

While he was distracted, Kyu reached over and plucked the Scroll ("Yoink!") from his hand, quickly opening up the photo gallery. "Now let's see what you've been hiding~!

"G-give that back!" he cried. When he didn't see the usual crowd of people that normally accompanied the arrival of such a celebrity, he realized that Kyu just pulled a fast one him, and the feeling of his Scroll disappearing only served as confirmation he'd been duped. He tried to snatch it back, and for a brief moment he thought he would succeed when she didn't make a move to dodge, but unfortunately his hand phased through her, which threw him for a loop.

"Whuh…?"

"Fairies can go intangible at will," she said without looking up from the "borrowed" device, scrolling through Jaune's collection of photos, "it's good for keeping our pretty faces unpunched, and for keeping up with our clients if head to... _secluded places_."

Jaune would have thought it was a cool ability if he weren't still mad that his "love coach" stole his Scroll.

"Ooh!" she exclaimed, "You got a good shot of Miss Cereal Box; _noice_!"

Jaune hung his head, wishing he could just shrivel up into himself and escape the embarrassment.

" _And_ a totes adorbs one of Red Riding Hood trying to look all heroic, too!"

He wondered if it wasn't too late to go find Yang so she could bash his skull in for him?

"Oh! And it looks like you just got another one! Aaaaaaaand...open!"

Really, his only solace was that she hadn't found the folder his sisters sent of him dressed in-

"Wait, another one?" He swiped for his Scroll again, this time catching Kyu off guard before she could go intangible. ("Hey!").

Unfortunately she managed to open the attachment that came with the text message before he got to it, but judging by how hard she was pouting she hadn't gotten a very good look at it yet; it was a selfie of Yang looking extremely proud of herself, holding two fingers in the "victory" sign. In the background there was what looked like trashed room with a lot of bodies with purple dragon tattoos lying around on the floor.

"Too bad it only shows her face," the Love Fairy commented, her head now hovering over Jaune's shoulder, "cuz she got some _noice_ _ta-tas_!"

Jaune started and fumbled with his Scroll before it fell.

"You gonna see what the text says?" she asked, gesturing to the device, "I'd spare you the trouble, but _somebody_ took the phone away before I had a chance to read it!"

For a second Jaune _almost_ felt bad about grabbing his Scroll back, but then he remembered that Kyu wasn't supposed to have it in the first place and the feeling passed.

With that over, he closed the image and actually read the message it came with.

 _#Sorry for running off like I did,#_ it read, _#I saw these punks I've been looking for and I needed to ask them some questions.#_ This was where the attachment link was placed. _#Don't worry, the fight didn't...DRAG ON! XD XD XD XD#_

Jaune visibly winced at the terrible pun and how far Yang had to stretch for it.

"Wow," Kyu said, completely deadpan, "that pun sucked; if it weren't for her boobs, I'd say drop her."

Her double standard on wordplay, or the shallow attitude? Jaune wasn't sure which he was more disappointed in Kyu for.

"Anyway," she continued, "like I was saying before, the kind of pictures Hunies send you can give you an idea of a girl's interest level; it can range from 'Just Friends' all the way up to 'My parents are out, come on over~!', and right now all these pics say you're still in the Friend Zone."

"And that's...bad?" he asked.

Kyu rolled her eyes. " _Dude_ ," she scoffed, "I _thought_ you wanted to get a girlfriend? When guys get stuffed into the 'Friend Zone', it means they have _zero_ chance at anything more than that! You're gonna need to step up your game if you don't want to die alone."

Jaune gulped, imagining himself laying on his deathbed in some cottage out in Rural Mistral, lamenting the fact that he didn't have any loved ones to be with in his final moments because he hadn't been able to get a girlfriend when he was at Beacon when he had the chance…

Had he been allowed to continue with the fantasy he probably would have brought himself to tears, but the fact that he suddenly found himself on the floor amongst a sea of books snapped him out of it before that could happen.

"Watch where you're going!" the second half of the collision snapped at him.

As more of his awareness returned to him, Jaune saw that the person he'd accidentally bumped into was none other than Blake Belladonna, another member of Team RWBY. She always seemed kind of aloof to him, even a little standoffish, not flustered like she was now as she hurriedly gathered her books back up.

"You really should pay more attention to where you're going," she scolded him, "What was even so distracting, anyway?"

Jaune rubbed the back of his head sheepishly; he couldn't really tell her that he was talking to the invisible Love Fairy that followed him around and only he could hear, not unless he wanted her to think he was certifiable.

Although, maybe he could play it off as a joke?

"Oh, you know, the annoying fairy that hovers over my shoulder," he said, to which Kyu huffed indignantly.

"Wow," she said, "rude much?"

"Yeah," he continued, "she was being all 'Hey, listen!' nonstop for, like, the last hour."

Kyu just pouted and turned her nose up at him.

 _Ha! Serves you right for stealing my Scroll from me!_

Blake stared at him impassively, her eyes not really giving a hint of what she was thinking.

After a few awkward seconds she said, glaring slightly, "If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, but that doesn't mean you need to outright lie to me." She then hefted her stack of books to a more stable position and brushed passed him, not even sparing a second glance as she walked off.

"Welp," Kyu said, "that could've gone better."

Jaune resisted the urge to blurt out " _OH, YOU THINK?!"_.

"You wanna get back in her good side?" she asked, to which he gave an affirmative nod, "Good, then go give this to her." The fairy reached behind her back and pulled a book out from seemingly nowhere and tossed it to Jaune, who caught it easily enough. "Trust me, she'll _totally_ thank you for it!"

Jaune glanced at the book. It has a simple design with only a title adorning the front cover, the words "Ninjas of Love" printed in a red font-

He immediately dropped the thing like it was about to bite him. "Where the hell did you get this?" he hissed at his fluttery, pink "coach".

Kyu shrugged, "I swiped it off Miss Ninja's pile of books."

The way she said that so nonchalantly made Jaune think Kyu might be a closet kleptomaniac.

The episode with his Scroll only strengthened that theory.

"...why would she be reading this?" he wondered, gingerly picking the book back up with as few fingers as possible.

"Dunno, I don't judge people on their preferred reading material; but I'd suggest hurrying if you don't want to lose her."

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

It didn't take that long to catch up with Blake; despite having a head start on the scraggly teen she hadn't made too far away from the library...mostly because she'd stopped walking and was, apparently, taking inventory of the books she just checked out.

 _Sweet!_ Jaune cheered internally, _I'll be a hero once I give this darn thing back!_ He patted the racy tome where it hid in his jacket, eager to not have it on him anymore. _And if I'm lucky, maybe she'll even go on a date with me as thanks! Huh, I guess Kyu was right about this after all…_

He then went about getting Blake's attention, steeling his resolve and taking a deep breath, of course. "Hey, Blake!" he called, waving an arm, "Blake! Over here!"

She turned around almost immediately, spotting him just as quick.

"Sorry about bumping into you before," he apologized, running up to her, "I promise I'll be more careful in the future."

She waved dismissively. "It's fine, I was a little harsh back there."

Jaune let out a mental sigh of relief.

"By the way," he continued, reaching inside his jacket to retrieve the tome, "you stopped this back in the library-"

Jaune didn't realized he'd been standing in front of a closet until he felt himself get shoved through the door and into the back wall by the dark haired girl clutching the front of his uniform.

"Are you _insane_?" she hissed, "You don't just go waving that around in public! What if someone had seen you do that, huh? I would've been…!" She trailed off, shuddering visibly.

However embarrassed Jaune was just holding that darn book, Blake looked about twenty times worse.

 _Is this really that big a deal to her?_ he wondered, _Maybe I'd better give it back and pretend all of this never happened._

"So, uh...Blake-"

"What'll it take?" she interrupted before he could say anything, catching him off guard.

"...what'll _what_ take?" he sought to clarify.

"What'll it take to keep you from telling anyone else about this," she elaborated, grabbing the book from him. "There has to be something, just name your price."

Jaune was unable to look away from her intense, fearful eyes, but he couldn't, and gulped audibly. He didn't want to take advantage of the poor girl, he really didn't; he just wasn't the type of person who did that kind of thing.

But...there was just something about the way she was staring at him that wore away at his resolve until it completely crumbled down.

He let out a sigh of resignation. "Well...there was this _one_ comic book I've been hunting for a while; it's kinda rare and none if the places I've tried ever had it."

"...which one is it?" she asked.

" _X-Ray & Vav #69_, and I've looked _everywhere_ for it!" he explained. "It's the last part of the final confrontation with the Mad King, where they- ...Blake?"

Jaune looked around, surprised to find that the enigmatic girl had suddenly vanished.

He blinked.

"...huh."

With his conversation partner gone, Jaune decided to head back to the library to what see Kyu was up to. He reached for the door handle and gave it a turn, only to find that it wouldn't budge.

"Hey Blake, you still out there?" he called, rapping his knuckles on the door, "You, uh, kinda locked me in by mistake, eh heh heh…." He chuckled nervously. "So if you could maybe, I don't know, _let me out_ then that'd be peachy."

Silence greeted him, and he slowly began to realize that he probably wouldn't be getting help any time soon.

It didn't matters that he needed to use the bathroom, either.

"Damn it…!"

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

 _ **Kyu's Nughty Confessions blog })i({**_

 _ **Alone in the closet. (If you know what I mean! XD)**_

 _Hey sexy people, Kyu's})i({ back! \\(^o^)/ And boy do I have a juicy one for y'all this time!_

 _So things start out with Scraggly Boy being a jerk and not letting me see any of the pics his dates sent him. (-_-*) I mean really! It's my_ job _to see what people are sexting to him so I can properly gauge whether or not they're a good match! I tells ya, no respect at all…._

 _Anyway, after I explained that to_ him _he_ literally _ran into this Hunie by the name of Blake Belladonna. Of course, being the "smooth operator" that he is, he naturally sent her packing in the opposite direction, but not before she "dropped" a book |-D |-D that he decides (albeit with some prompting….) to return to her._

 _And this is where things get interesting, folks! You see, when Ol' Jauney-boy tried to hand the book back to the femme fatale (Like, seriously, put her in a cocktail dress and a classy night dive and you've got every noir story ever!) she responded by immediately shoving him into a broom closet._

 _Now I know what you're all thinking, "Wow, that sure escalated quickly!" Well, sorry to burst your collective bubbles, but they didn't start making out. (TwT) Instead she chewed him out (...giggity.) for whipping "the book" out in public. Apparently_ someone _isn't as comfortable with their hobbies as she seems…!~_

 _And do you know what she did then? (No, it wasn't "make whoopy".) She outright bribed him not to tell anyone else about her…"particular" taste in literature |-) |-) |-), and then she bamfed off, presumably to retrieve said bribe, leaving our hapless protagonist to ponder what his next move with this chick will be. (Blake = hearts x2)_

 _I mean, he's still in the closet; I_ hope _that's what he's doing with this time…._

 _Now that that's out of the way, let's move onto the comments!_

 _Ooh, it looks like we have_ another _new face! Whatshakinbacon20 says "It's great to see more people focusing on schoolwork. ...even if it was forced this time." Well, Miss Bacon, they may have been forced to do it, but you gotta admit, the end result of that turned out pretty good, right? Even if it was a bit nerdy for my tastes…._

 _Cypher DS points out "This date proves things are looking up for Jaune! Instead of beating him up, Nora only threatens him with violence. Hopefully Jaune earned a good amount of Hunie for giving Nora her preferred answers in the end." You never know with nerds, dude; one minute they're all nice and calm, and the next they're practically jumping down your throat because you insulted their waifu. (-_-;) (And by the way, Dude, I've read your stories, and you've got me down pat! Noice!)_

 _XBossLadyX says "This girl reminds me too much of my cousin in the Netherlands for it to be a coincidence. I may need to have a talk with him." Ooh, you're going to see Thor? Tell him I say hi, and that he can pound me with that hammer anytime!~_

 _...the hammer is his [word deleted], by the way._

 _Gligamesh The King of Heroes asks "This Mongrel you have been assigned too seems like any kind fo spine at all when it comes to talking with women or dealing with any situation. Are you certain you'll be able to make a man out of him?" Fear not, Your Majesty! Mr. Arc isn't_ nearly _as hopeless as some other clients I've had; denser than the protagonist of a harem anime, those guys..._

 _OG_Cupid says "(_x_)!" Dude, you may be 3000 years old, but it's pretty clear that_ I'm _the more mature one, you poopyhead! |-P_

 _Speaking of being catty, Trixie Dinglebells}!{ limply retorts "Hmph! So like you to bring up the letter 'C'. I can 'C' how it fits you so well: clueless, crude and absolutely common! And what's this I hear about you operating a side business in the human world? So desperate for munie that you're parading yourself as a camgirl? (/-,-) Ah-ha-ha-ha!" First, stop projecting yourself onto other people, Dinglebells! It really is pathetic. Second, I don't know what rumors you've been hearing, but they're clearly that poopyhead Jeremy Flickergem's pathetic attempt to discredit me._

 _Although, now that you mention it, maybe I_ should _look into that whole "cam girl" thing after I'm finished with the Playa here; Misty Peaks seems to be doing well for herself with that, so why can't I?_

 _And finally, (not that)_blu_gurl states "MogarXVav OTP FTW!" Yeah, I can get down for that! Maybe we can call them "Team Nice Dynamite" or something like that._

 _And that about wraps things up for now. Keep voting on my poll, and keep asking me questions!_

 _See you sexy people later! })i({_

 _(P.S. Maaaaaaybe I should let Playa out of the closet now, I think he's learned his lesson.)_


	8. Finished already?

**A/N: There will be no more polls until Round 2 of dating begins, as there are not enough girls to facilitate choosing. Feel free to keep asking Kyu questions though, I enjoy writing her responses.**

 _Chapter 6: Finished already?_

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

"Four hours!"

"You weren't sharing with me!"

" _FOUR...HOURS!_ "

"I can't get you a girlfriend if you don't cooperate with me; I thought I explained this to you!"

"I was _seconds_ away from using a mop bucket as a toilet!"

Kyu scoffed. "I let you out eventually! Seriously dude, it's not like you lost the love of your life or anything!"

Being locked in a broom closet for so many hours hadn't really done any favors for Jaune's temperament. On top of the afore mentioned improvised toilet that almost was, he was hungry, thirsty, tired from trying to force the door open, and just all around drained from the experience.

"I get enough of that from Cardin, I don't need that kind of grief from my friends…," he griped, huffily grabbing a tray and taking his place in the dinner line. He'd immediately made his way to the cafeteria after being freed from his 6' by 5' prison, after making a quick and necessary detour to the Little Boy's Room, and just wanted to eat dinner and get back to his room so he could wash the experience from his memory.

To her credit, Kyu actually looked genuinely remorseful for her actions after he said this.

"Dude, why didn't you say so?" she wondered, "It's my job to make you happy, and if you're not happy, I'm not doing my job properly."

Jaune was actually a little touched by this. Kyu's flippant attitude normally made it seem like she didn't care her "client", but apparently that was just a front, and underneath was a kind, genuine-

"I mean, my boss would give me _hell_ if I slacked off, and you _do not_ want to get a god mad at you, _especially_ when she's your boss!"

...there it was. Never mind.

"Anyway, what's on the menu today?" she asked, completely switching rails as she looked over the food on display. "I would _kill_ for a good Footlong right now! Or barring that, some clam chowder I could dive into. They have any of that here?"

Jaune grabbed a couple sandwiches and an orange juice from the spread. "Is that what fairies usually eat," he asked, "hotdogs and soup?"

"Nah, we eat whatever strikes us at the moment; there are a couple things we eat whenever we we need a little pick up, but that's only if we're _really_ tired!" She reached over him and grabbed a bottle of milk, opening it immediately and pouring the contents down her throat. "Milk's one of 'em," she explained, "it's a decent enough substitute for the real thing. Though me personally, nothing hits the spot better than a good mojito."

The cheeky grin on her face gave Jaune a fairly clear idea what "the real thing" was, and at once he banished the thought so he'd actually be able to eat his food.

He glanced around the expansive room, looking for a spot in which to enjoy his dinner. While quite spacious, it looked like the entire school was here right now, with nary an empty seat to be found.

He sighed, lamenting the latest in the tragedy his life had become in the last day.

Kyu was still buzzing around the dinner line (probably looking for the soup if the day, if he had to guess) so he decided to go and find someone he knew- and was on good terms with -and ask them if he could join their table; surely the short list of people he considered friends would take pity on a poor soul simply looking for a place to sit, right?

Ironically, his short list was exactly the same as the long one. Make of that what you will.

He walked up and down the aisles several times in his search for friends, but was unable to locate them due to the sheer volume of Huntresses and Huntsmen in training.

 _Well,_ he reasoned, _this isn't working. May as well give fate a try._ He walked over to the middle of the vast hall and stood there, then he closed his eyes and raised his free hand in the air. After a moment he pointed in a random direction...before turning 180 degrees and pointing in the exact _opposite_ direction.

When he opened his eyes again he saw his finger was pointing at, in his opinion, one of the most beautiful girls in all of Remnant: Weiss Schnee. Surprisingly, she was sitting by herself at one end of a table, with everyone who was there sitting at the other end. She didn't seem to mind. In fact, she looked downright content eating her...one apple? Really, that's all she was having?

However, it _did_ give him an idea….

Putting on his most confident swagger, Jaune made his way over to Weiss.

"Hey there, Snow Angel!" he greeted, "What brings you here?"

"Hello Jaune," Weiss said, barely sparing him a glance before taking a bite of her apple, "where else would I be at dinner time?"

...she had a point.

"Oh…." Only feeling _slightly_ stupid for asking that, he shrugged and placed his tray next to her. "This seat's not taken, is it?"

"No," she replied curtly, which he took as permission to sit down as well.

"So…," he pointed out, "I noticed that you're only eating that apple."

Weiss nodded. "That's correct. I'm not a big fan of most of the food here, the sandwiches in particular."

Jaune froze; he was just about to take a bite of one of the sandwiches he'd grabbed. "...huh?"

"Ruby tried to share lunch with me one time," she explained, "I felt queasy the entire rest of the day. I don't know what the kitchen staff puts in those things, but it is _far_ from proper quality."

...welp, there went his cunning plan to share his meal with her. He put the sandwich back down and absently took a sip for his orange juice.

With his primary avenue for conversation now closed off, Jaune began running through other icebreakers; he immediately threw out " _Hey girl, what cup size you rockin'?"_ on the grounds that he wanted to live, and toyed with " _You're single, right?"_ a while before dismissing it as appearing too desperate and on the nose.

...though that did help him recall a detail about the situation that he initially overlooked.

"How come you're sitting by yourself anyway?" he asked. "Shouldn't you be sitting with your team?"

"Shouldn't you?" she shot back, taking another bite of her fruit.

Jaune rubbed his head sheepishly. "I can't seem to find them. Besides, I...kinda asked you first."

Weiss glared indignantly at the scraggly boy sitting next to her, and then sighed went he didn't cower.

"I just wanted to be alone for a while, OK?" she explained reluctantly, "You know, have some time to myself _without_ interruption? That's perfectly within my rights to do, right?" Her eyes narrowed, "Does that answer your question?"

Jaune said nothing, merely giving a simple nod in response. He wanted to ask why she wanted the alone time in the first place, but he could tell that questions probably wouldn't go too far at the moment.

Instead, he opted for more small talk. "This _may_ be a stupid question," he said, picking up his sandwich again, "but what's your favorite color?"

Weiss took another bite of her apple. "That is a stupid question," she said after swallowing.

Jaune felt like his spirit wanted to take a short walk off a tall tower. (Though it couldn't decide between Beacon's central spire or the CCT building.)

"But if you _must_ know," she continued, "my favorite color is baby blue; anyone with eyes could tell that."

Jaune decided to ignore the brusk manner in which the information was given just accept the fact that she bothered to give him an answer at all.

"You know," he said, "back home, my mother had a garden behind our house. She'd grow all kinds things in it: vegetables, fruits, _tons_ of flowers…. I remember there was this one flower she took extra care of: a snow white lily. For some reason it always looked nicer than all the other flowers, and when winter came around she would always take that one inside so the cold wouldn't ruin it."

"...why are you bringing this up?" she wondered, seeming genuinely curious.

Jaune shrugged, "I don't know. I guess I just thought that you'd look good with one in your hair, even if it's not baby blue."

Weiss recoiled slightly from this, obviously not expecting him to say something so thoughtful and complimentary. It looked like she was trying to say something in regards to that, but the words kept dissolving before they could leave her mouth.

"Uh...Weiss? Are you OK?"

This seemed to snap her out if whatever fugue state she'd slipped into. "...Of course I am!" she blurted, "Why wouldn't I be? I was just…." Her sentence faded off before it was finished.

Then she abruptly stood up. "I have to go," she announced, "classes and everything, I'm sure you understand."

"...but we don't have any-" he realized before getting cut off.

"Have a pleasant evening." She gave a brief curtsy and headed off across the hall, soon disappearing into the other students who'd finished their meals.

Jaune just sat there, a look of bewilderment on his face.

"She didn't even finish her apple," he noted, picking up the half eaten fruit and turning it over in his hand.

"You gonna finish that?" Kyu asked, suddenly appearing next to Jaune and causing his heart to skip a few beats, "At this point I'm willing to settle, and apples _are_ the most sinful of fruits. ...except for maybe bananas. ...and certain elongated vegetables. But seriously, can I have that?"

"Do you know what that was?" he asked, pointing after Weiss.

Kyu swiped the apple and took a bite before explaining. " _Oh yeah, that was_ classic _Tsundere behavior,_ " she said while chewing, " _Don't worry about it, Dude, she'll be back._ "

"...she will?"

Kyu swallowed. "Eeyup!~ That's how they work: act all 'Ew gross, who let you in here?' one minute and all 'How did I ever live without you? Do me now!' the next. _Trust me_ , she'll be back."

"Oh…."

"Hey, give yourself some credit, the fact that you managed to pull it together at the end there pretty much cinched it. That move with your mom's flowers? _Pretty slick, bro_!" Jaune thought about it, and it _was_ rather amazing that he come up with something like that.

...in fact, "amazing" was probably the best way to describe what just happened, especially considering all he knew about talking to girls (outside of those in his immediate family) consisted of his father's vague advice to "be confident", and a bunch of corny pickup lines he's gotten from X-Ray  & Vav comics; he _never_ would have thought to be so sentimental normally.

So why now of all times?

Kyu took one last bite and tossed the apple away. "Well, now that that's out of way, let's find you another broad to mack on!"

Jaune looked down at the sandwich in his hand, still uneaten; the one on his tray in a similar state of not having been tucked into yet.

He was about to ask if he could at least finish one of his sandwiches before they did that when his Scroll buzzed.

Upon inspection, it was a text message from Nora, with attachment.

 _#Greetings, young pupil! Congratulations on mastering the basics of Mogar 101, but don't think that's all there is to it, mister! For observe, the power of a 10th level Mogar Master! (You can thank my lovely assistant Ren for taking the photo. ;-D)#_

The included photo was of Nora wearing a tank top and gym shorts, and a pink headband on her head. She was standing on her head, her legs crossed above her, while holding a Mogar comic out in front of her. Strangely, the comic was the only thing in the picture that was right side up.

"Damn dude," Kyu exclaimed, "are all nerds this intense?"

Jaune shrugged. He himself could only be called a nerd by the barest of definitions, and even then he didn't know if other "nerds" really were as extreme as Nora apparently was.

He was about to inform Kyu of this when he felt a rap on his shoulder.

"Pardon me, are _you_ the person who threw this?"

Jaune turned around to a girl with short, orange hair standing behind him, holding out a partially devoured apple to him. She looked slightly younger than the rest of the students (sans Ruby), but he wasn't sure if that was because of her freckles or something else, and for some reason she seemed kind of stuff.

"Oooh, now thing are getting _interesting_!"

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

 _ **Kyu's Naughty Confessions blog })i({**_

 _ **Eating a Footlong. Giggity.**_

 _Hey sexy people, Kyu})i({ here! And_ ho boi _, this is gonna be a doozy!_

 _So the Playa finally comes out of the closet (...too easy. (-_-;) ) and heads off to get a bite to eat, because he's been in there for a while at this point. So he gets his dinner and goes to find a seat but, low and behold, there are none! At least none that he can see. So after some fruitless searching he decides to just pick a table at random and hope that those guys won't mind a +1 in their group._

 _And he picked a total sausage fest of a table, zero broads whatsoever! (Not that_ I _would have minded…) So I subtly suggested a different table, which yielded_ much _better results!_

 _How much better, you ask? X-)_

 _Well, this new table had a Hunie by the name of Weiss Schnee, who's apparently this place's Mega Bitch. (I say "Mega", but she's really more like a 6/10, 6.5 at most.) After initially making contact he sat down next to her- she'd apparently segregated herself from the rest of the table -and started making small talk. Pretty standard stuff, if you ask me._

 _But here's where it gets interesting! The Playa, perceptive gentleman that he is, took notice of the fact that she was sitting alone and asks her why, and she gets all defensive about it before relenting and explaining that she just wanted some time alone. (Which is a big fat stinking load of bull; even a total dunce could tell she wasn't telling the whole story there.) A little more small talk, and while this stretch is going better than the last time, ol' Jauney-boy still wasn't really making any progress._

 _But, like the good fairy I am, I intervened then with some light magical assistance. (Delicious, sciencey magic!) Nothing too major of course, I just tweaked his "statistics" to give him a little more Sentiment to work with._

 _And_ ho boi _, the results could not have been better! (^o^) ...OK, maybe they could have, but I was still impressed with what he was able to pull out of his keister, given the little material he had to work with. Then, like a typical Tsundere, Weiss got all flustered and scurried off in shame so no one would see her blush._

 _After that, Playa got a text from that nerd- I mean "Nora" chick, with accompanying photo, this one of her doing some kind of weird nerd yoga. Like,_ dayum, _can all you nerds so that kinda stuff? If so, y'all are a lot kinkier than I gave you credit for! XD XD XD_

 _But that isn't the end of thing, because right after that a new challenger appeared! Some girl, never seen her before, came up and tried to get the Playa's attention, and I think she might have succeeded by the looks of things._

 _Of course, that_ may _have had something to do with the half finished apple I chucked behind me right before…_

 _Ah, semantics! She's here, she's talking to the Playa, and I wanna know what happens next!_

 _And now, let's get to those comments! \\(^o^)/_

 _XBossLadyX says "Please stop antagonizing Miss Sugardust, Jeremy, it's unbecoming for someone of your age. And Kyu? You may be younger than Mr. Flickergem, but don't forget you're a sanctioned emissary of Love; professionalism is key." *sigh*...OK Boss, I'll stop. After all, someone has to be the bigger man. (I promise that wasn't intentional. ...maybe.)_

 _OG_Cupid says "Q_Q Yes Ma'am…" As per my agreement to not snipe you anymore, I legally can't mime a whip cracking motion while making "wah-ch!" noises for emphasis, thusly implying that you're "whipped", so I won't._

 _Gilgamesh The King of Heroes says "Are you sure about that? It seems, little Fairy, that without you to hold his hand he says something stupid and winds up getting locked in a bathroom. Well, either way, you have your king's permission to continue your duty; I sense entertainment coming from this boy no matter how this turns out." Actually, it was a broom closet, not a bathroom. And I_ technically _only answer to Venus (Love ya, Boss!~ ^D^), but I appreciate the support, good Sire! And trust me, the entertainment is only getting started with this one!_

 _(not that)_blu_gurl says "I don't know about that Blake character. She seems like she's hiding something. ...And like she's secretly a pervert." Very astute, Miss Gurl, I think there's more to that girl than meets the eye; further investigation is clearly required. (Especially the part about her being a pervert, that seems like a deal breaker. |-) |-) |-) )_

 _Whatshakinbacon20 says "OMG, her bow is totes adorbs!" Well,_ I _wouldn't wear it, but I guess it's cute in a homely kinda way; if that's your thing then go right ahead!_

 _Beli_Dancer asks "Ninjas of Love? Oh my, Blake's book sounds a little...um, passionate. D-do you happen to know the author? I mean, so I can be sure to avoid it when I visit the bookstore. That's all."_ Suuuuure _that's why you want to know…~ ;-D Well, I believe the name on the spine was "Patty Berdioler", so "don't" be on the lookout for that one, if you're interested in a good read. |-)_

 _Though me personally, I usually just grab an issue of "Hustler" or "Playgirl" off the rack, those at least have pictures. |-D |-D |-D_

 _THEMistypeaks says "Me-ow, that Blake girl is also quite a looker, and she knows the subject matter; I wouldn't mind doing a costume play with her." Oh Hera's stretch marks, I would watch the_ crap _out of that video, Girlfriend! Would you gals go for a niche appeal for the theme, or maybe something more...traditional? (_ _Wah-ch!)_

 _eDUmecator1337 asks "I hope that thar boy under your wing is fully educated in the intricacies of what happens when the booty is got. Don't want what happened to a pupil of mine in which he honestly believed storks delivered babies. Got laughed at by everybody. Did not help that a nearby stork kidnapped a baby and dropped it on a newlywed couple right next to us when that occurred." Wow dawg, bad timing on that one, but what can you expect when the Baby Delivery Service is run by the God of Mischief? Seriously, Loki got put in charge of that department because he was "playing with Infinity" again or something. (BTDubs Loki? Call me, I wanna play with your magic scepter again. XD) Athena was livid at first, but she eventually came around. ...giggity._

 _As for the other thing, don't worry; I'll make sure the Playa is good and ready once he finally picks a bunk mate._

 _And that's about it for the moment. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go get me some popcorn to watch the show! See you sexy people later, I'll be sure to let you know how it turns out!_ _ **})i({**_


	9. Debug Menu

_Chapter 7: Debug Menu_

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

"I'm...hi?" Jaune said to the new girl, still somewhat thrown for a loop by her abrupt appearance.

"Sal-u- _tations_!" the girl said, taking Jaune's hand (slightly forcefully) and shaking it. "My name is Penny, pleasure to meet you!"

"...um, likewise-"

"Were you the one who threw this apple?" the girl, Penny, repeated, the seemingly pasted on smile on her face at odds with her accusation.

Jaune gulped. He knew _exactly_ who was to blame for the apple, but unfortunately, said person had the most perfect alibi, and it was once again a case of him looking crazy if he tried to explain that.

It was at times like these that he wished Kyu wouldn't be so careless in how she affected the world around her; he was starting to get tired of covering for her.

He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Yeah, it was me," he admitted, "You're not hurt, are you?"

"Nope!" Penny shook her head, popping the "P" sound when she spoke. "I'm still 100% functional!"

Well, that was good at least. He was worried that she might have been hit in the head, but that apparently that wasn't the case.

"Good to hear," he said, sighing visibly as she placed the apple on the table. "Sorry if I caused you any trouble, is there some way I can make it up to you?"

Penny tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Well…," she said, "I just arrived this afternoon and haven't had a chance to do anything yet." She looked at Jaune with an inquisitive expression in her face, "Do you know what people do for 'fun' around here?"

Jaune would have thought more of the slightly odd way she said "fun", but he was too surprised and excited by the sheer fact that _someone else_ was asking _him_ something that wasn't some variation on the phrase "Are you stupid?"! Plus, it sounded like this Penny girl was asking him on a date (he may have been reading between the lines slightly…), so he'd practically been handed the chance to hangout with a cute, quirky girl fir free! He wasn't going to let this opportunity slide!

And he knew just the place to go, too!

"Have you been to the Vytal Festival yet?" he asked, "I don't think they have everything set up yet, but there ought to at least be a couple stalls worth checking out."

"Ooh, sen- _sational_!" Penny cheered, "I haven't been there yet; this is the _perfect_ opportunity to visit there before the soldiers find me!"

Jaune smiled. There was something about how exuberant this girl was being that just- wait, did she say _soldiers?!_

"We should hurry!" Penny said, grabbing his arm and leading him off, "There is still an airship and the docks, and its departure time is only nine minutes away!"

 _Well,_ Jaune thought as he was once again dragged off by someone smaller than he was, _I guess some things never change…_

"What Festival activity do you recommend doing first?"

" _Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!_ "

"I'm not familiar with that one, is it Vacuan?"

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

"I do not understand why you are so melancholy," Penny commented as she followed Jaune around the Vytal Festival, the scraggly boy hunched over in dispar. "Physical strength is not the only factor in being an effective Huntsman."

"It's not that…," Jaune moaned. "It's just...you broke the bell! How did you even _do_ that?"

Penny shrugged. "I don't know, I merely applied the proper strength and leverage while swinging the hammer; the contraption must have already been defective to break so easily."

"Yeah, but still…." He really did try his best at the Test Your Strength game, even though his efforts only got him halfway to ringing the bell, which made it all the more emasculating when Penny did as well as she did.

"I do find it strange that we did not receive a prize for winning," the ginger girl commented as they walked, "he did not appear to be out of stock."

"I think that might have had something to do with you breaking his game," Jaune said. "I know I'd be pretty mad if my business got wrecked."

"Oh?" Penny scurried up so she was walking beside the Huntsman in training and asked "What is your profession?"

It took Jaune a second or two to realize she was serious. He quickly backpedaled, "No, I mean I understand why he would be mad." When Penny looked like she still didn't get it, he explained further. "It's a figure of speech."

"Ohhh!" This seemed to get through to get. "As in 'a colloquialism': when a word or phrase is used to mean something specific!"

"Uh, yeah," he nodded, not sure how to respond. She wasn't wrong, it's just that she sounded like she was reading the answer out if a textbook. "Pretty much."

Penny beamed. "I thought that is that it was…." She turned to him, "Let's try another attraction, one that won't break so easily."

Jaune nodded and looked around for something interesting the two of them could try. They were right by the Tunnel of Love, but that seemed a little too forward for what was supposed to be a simple tour. There was a photo booth just ahead as well, and it would make a good memento if Penny's first day here, but the thought of both of them sitting so close to each other made him feel uncomfortable.

However, there was one stall that caught his eye…

"Why don't we give that one a try?" he suggested, pointing at a stall that said "Measure your Aura!"

"O- _Kay_!" Penny cheered, "I already know how strong my Aura is, but if that is what you recommend, I will heed your suggestion."

OK, now Jaune felt a little stupid for suggesting that.

Fortunately he didn't wallow in that feeling for very long, as he felt his Scroll buzz in his pocket. He took it out and, sure enough, it was another text.

Surprisingly, this one was from Blake.

 _#I found your comic book,#_ it read, _#Fortunately, it didn't take long to find; it was at the first place I looked.#_

As usual, there was a photo attached to it. Comparatively, there wasn't all that much to this one, little more than a selfie that showed Blake holding up the comic in question by her face, a recept sticking out the top. Blake wore a rather pronounced frown, and her cheeks were slightly flushed, most likely from embarrassment.

The Scroll buzzed again as it received another text.

 _#I'll just leave it under your door when I get back.#_

Seeing proof that Blake had actually followed through on her promise sent feelings of guilt surging through his heart. He really wouldn't have made a big deal about her particular taste in literature, even if she hadn't said anything about it. Basically, the whole situation boiled down to him taking advantage of some misunderstanding on Blake's part, and he wanted to rectify that as soon as possible.

Which meant he should _probably_ wrap things up with Penny soon so he could go look for her….

" _Friend-Jaune! It is your turn now!_ " Penny called from the booth, waving at him.

Oh right, the thing he suggested.

 _Well, what do I have to lose?_

"OK," he said once he caught up to his charge, his eyes scanning the setup: there were three stations set up, each with two metal handles and a dial gauge on them. Penny was standing at one of the stations, the needle on the gauge reading just shy of a red area. "So how does this work?"

Penny pointed to the handles. "You grab these with both hands, and the needle will move depending on how strong your Aura is," she explained, "It showed mine as being perfectly within my established parameters, so the machine is accurate."

Jaune stared down at the metal handles in front of him. Was measuring someone's Aura really as simple as this? Apparently, since Penny said it worked, and she seemed like a truthful kind of person. Maybe a little odd and naïve, to be sure, but still honest.

The old man running the stall pushed a few buttons Jaune couldn't see and gestured for him to grab the handles. He glanced over at Penny, who gave an encouraging nod, and grabbed hold of the contraption.

The needle went wild almost immediately, shooting right into the red area at one end. There was some kind of whirring sound, and a second or two later thin plumes of smoke began to emanate from the gauge.

After that the glass broke, and the whir died down, leaving only the odor of hot metal in its place.

For a moment, none of the three said anything, Jaune just staring at the now ruined machine.

"...did I do that?" he wondered aloud, his mouth hanging agape in shock.

"Ah- _may-_ zing!" Penny exclaimed in awe, "...this machine is defective too!"

"Uh, I don't think it was," Jaune said, pointing at the old man running the stall (who was now glaring at him something fierce). "You, uh...don't suppose we can get our prizes now, do you?" he asked the man hesitantly.

One rudely slammed partition later, Jaune and Penny were back to wandering the Vytal Festival.

"That man was quite rude," Penny remarked. "And he is the second person to withhold our winnings from us!"

Jaune wanted to point out that _they_ were also kind of at fault for what happened at both stalls, hence why they were a few Lien shorter than before with nothing to show for it, but before could Penny tapped him on the shoulder, shuffling awkwardly in place.

"I'm afraid I have to leave now, Friend-Jaune," she said, "Thank you for showing me around, though; I enjoyed myself immensely!"

"Wait, you're leaving?" Jaune nearly got whiplash from the sudden shift. "Why?"

Now Penny looked nervous. "I, um...I have a dentist appointment!" she said, "Yeah! I just remembered- *hic!*." She hopped slightly when she hiccuped. "I did not remember before, but I do now! *hic!*" She hurriedly shook Jaune's hand, "I hope we can do this again sometime, Friend *hic!* Jaune! Goodbye! *hic!*" With a final hiccup she ran off, turning around to wave at him. (She hiccuped against as she did.)

Jaune just stood there, his hand slightly moving up and down of its own accord; it happened so suddenly that he didn't quite know how to react, and it took him a second to process it all. He made his way to a nearby bench and sat down, ignoring a pair of soldiers in Atlas grab that ran passed, and mentally ran through what just happened.

Not far away, taking her time to enjoy a corn dog she'd swiped from a vendor, was Kyu.

"Not bad, Playa!" she mused, dipping her fairground treat into some mayonnaise, "I think it might be time to start Phase 2." She pulled out her HunieBee and opened the Internet browser. "Welp, better let my adoring public know what happened."

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

 _ **Kyu's Naughty Confessions blog })i({**_

 _ **Insert Tab A into Slot B**_

 _Hey sexy people, Kyu})i({'s back! =^w^=_

 _So last time we had a little unexpected surprise at the end of Jauney-boy's latest date, one I_ did not _see coming! (Insert "Giggity" here.)_

 _If you'll recall from the end of last time, a new challenger appeared out of the blue; apparently someone chucked an apple at her and she thought the Playa did it. He didn't, but for some reason he took the blame anyway and asked if he could do something to make up for the pain she must have suffered._

 _So this girl, Penny, took him up on his offer and asked him if he could show her a good time. He said yes, and they raced off to the nearest public transportation. |-)_

 _Unfortunately they didn't go to a hotel or any place where things would have gotten interesting. T_T Instead, they went this 'Vytal Festival' that's apparently going on- from what I could tell, it's like this big fair thing…? I don't know. -and just walked around, going from carnival game to carnival game and utterly destroying them._

 _And that's not hyperbole either; they_ literally _could not walk away from anything they played without something breaking!_

 _Anyway, this Penny chick (note to self: find out more about her!) was pretty much cleaning house until they got to this "test your Aura" thingy. She continued to do good, though Jauney-boy was lookin' a little dour because he kept losing to a girl, but he heads over to the stall and does the thing anyway, probably just to play the host or whatnot._

 _And do y'all know what happened then? Well, old Jauney-boy must have had a bunch of this "aura" stuff hidden away, cuz however that contraption worked, he_ completely _overloaded it! \\(0o0)/_

 _Yeah, I'm as surprised as you guys are!_

 _So with another busted carnival game under their collective belts they head off, mourning the fact that neither of them had any booty (as in treasure, not the other kind) to show for their efforts._

 _This lasted all of three minutes before Penny made some BS excuse about having a dentist appointment and scampered off, though not before saying she was open to doing this again at a later date. Win~! (^w^) (Penny = hearts X2) at the rate this kid is going, I think it might be time to step things to a little…._

 _Now let's get on with those delicious, throbbing comments! \\(^o^)/_

 _(not that)_blu_gurl says "Way to paint us 'nerds' with the same broad, ignorant brush. #notallnerds." Whoa girl, calm your tits! I was just wondering, don't get your panties in a knot._

 _Trixie Dinglebells }!{ says "Oh-ho-ho! Are you going into business as a fertilizer sales-fairy, Sugardust? Because the BS in these 'date reports' is truly top quality. 'Subtle suggestions?' 'Stat modification?' The only statistic I saw you address was your hunger, and believe me, there was nothing subtle about what you did to those hotdogs. *shudders* Well, credit where credit is due. Jaune, deary? If you're reading I want you to know your progress has been quite impressive considering your 'coach' has all the insight of a "Dating for Dummies" textbook. If you ever want to work with a REAL fairy, you know where to find me. *wink*" (-_-*) OK,_ FIRST OF ALL _, what those hotdogs and I did was 100% consensual and they were asking for it; they came onto_ ME _, Dinglebells, not the other way around!_

 _Second, Swiper no Swiping! Don't go stealing MY clients just because you're not satisfied with your own! Or are you so strapped for work that this is what you're resorting to? Maybe_ I'm _not the one who should be "making side money"... |-)_

 _THEMistypeaks says "Good job bringing up the flowers, Hon. I can say from experience that it's a sure fire way to turn a woman on." Preach it, sistah! Also, would you say getting flowers makes you little…"misty"? Eh?_

 _BAB_Audrey420SWAG says "Gawd, couldn't that loser take a [word deleted] hint? That Whites bitch_ clearly _doesn't want to associate with you,_ Jane _, [word deleted] get a clue!" Wow, really getting some use out of the automatic censor function, aren't we, Miss 420SWAG? But don't worry about little Miss Albino; I told the Playa this already, but she's probably not as pissy as she seems. Just give it some time._

 _eDUmecator1337 says "So the God of Mischief is responsible for that massively important service? My souls trembles in fear of this. That aside I am extremely pleased that you shall make your charge ready. Please however do not shown him "first hand". It might cause some unexpected consequences. I wish thee luck." Aw!~ Dude, c'mon! Don't ruin my fun! ("Broke"xie Dinglehopper does that more than enough already…) …_ whatever, _I'll give the Playa the_ BORING _version of the Birds and the Bees when the time comes, just for you. *sigh*, The things I do for my readers…._

 _XBossLadyX says "Is there something I should know about your habits while on the clock, Miss Sugardust?" N-no Ma'am! I'm always on the ball! The Client comes first! Totally on top of things! I would_ never _put my own enjoyment over the the client's wellbeing or happiness! (^~^;) Eh heh heh heh…._

 _Please don't make me be the Disobedient Slave Girl again, Master! (X_X)_

 _Beli_Dancer says "Hmm, I wonder what happened that would make Weiss want to be by herself?" That's a good question, one that I don't know the answer to. With any luck, the Playa can weasel that information out of Weiss next time he sees her._

 _And that's all for now! If you'll excuse me, there's this corn dog I need to finish off. Giggity. See you sexy people later!_

 _ **})i({**_


	10. Dif'rent races

_Chapter 8: Dif'rent Races_

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

"I don't know about you," Kyu said as she floated behind Jaune, the young Huntsman currently making his way back to the airships that traveled to Beacon, "but _I_ definitely enjoyed myself!" At the moment the Love Fairy was snacking on an ice cream bar, the frozen treat having melted quite a bit as she slowly licked it up. "I should have told you to come here sooner!

Jaune was doing his best not to let his eyes wander over to his (sort of) invisible companion; for some reason she was letting the ice cream- vanilla flavored -drop onto her chest, which made him think of things he should probably hide under his mattress.

Considering this had pretty much been going on all day, you'd think he'd be used to it by now, wouldn't you?

"And you know, there's still a little bit of daylight left; maybe you can squeeze in one Hunie? Eh? Eh?" The fairy nudged him in the shoulder.

"Actually…." Jaune rubbed the back of his head, "I sort of wanted to just head back to my

Jaune considered this- it wasn't like he didn't enjoy spending time with a bunch of cute girls, who wouldn't? It was basically better than he couldn't have ever hoped for! -but ultimately, he decided against it; he'd barely had a moment to rest all day (his time in the closet didn't count) and he just wanted to settle down in his bed, maybe read some comics, and go to sleep. There was still school the next day, and he felt like he should put in a better effort so his little fiasco with Oobleck didn't happen again.

"I'd rather get back to Beacon," he informed his Fairy guide, "N-not that it hasn't been great hanging out with so many girls, it has! It's just, well, I've been doing this all day, and, well, you know…."

He mentally slapped himself for tripping over his words so much.

Fortunately, Kyu seemed to pick up on his meaning. "It's cool, Dude, if you wanna call it a night then we'll call it a night."

Jaune let out a mental sigh of relief that-

"It's OK that you can't keep your stamina up just yet, all newbies have this problem!"

...oh right, this was Kyu.

Now feeling more dejected than before he continued heading for the airship docks, only half listening as Kyu prattled on about corndogs or some such, when he happened to glance up as they reached the waiting pavilion; there was a Faunus girl surrounded by a group of guys who looked to be around her age (and his own age, for that matter) who appeared to to be mocking her, judging by how they were pretending to have rabbit ears and being very obnoxious about it. The girl appeared rather uncomfortable at this, naturally, and would occasionally try to extricate herself from the bullies only to be foiled each time.

What was worse was that he recognized said bullies; they were Team CRDL, another first year team like JNPR, lead by a piece of work who went by the name Cardin Winchester.

The very same Cardin who'd been giving him grief since he first arrived at Beacon Academy.

" _Oh my gawd_!" Kyu gasped, her frozen treat falling to the ground, "Dude, are you _seeing_ this?"

"Yeah…," he softly agreed. "Isn't it sad that-"

"Bunnygirls exist!" she squealed, cutting the scraggly, young Huntsman off. He turned around to set the Love Fairy straight, only to find her wearing a look of utter joy with what appeared to ge sparkles _literally_ dancing around her eyes.

 _She's that excited about a Faunus?_ he wondered, _It's not like she hasn't seen them around before or anything…_

"By my Boss's used feminine products, I always thought they were just a myth! This is...I never thought I'd actually _see_ one with my own eyes!" She quickly pulled out her odd looking Scroll and began typing furiously. " _Oh-ho-ho-ho_ , your ass in _mine_ , Dingleberries!"

Jaune looked back and forth between Kyu and the harassment scene a few times in disbelief before trying to get the Fairy's attention. "Um, hey…."

Kyu briefly looked up. "Hmm? Oh, like, just go over and rescue her and rescue her or something; chicks dig the knight in shining armor routine. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to rub it in a coworker's ugly face that she owes me 20 bucks!" And with that she went back to typing.

At first Jaune was flabbergasted; there was a very public abuse going on in front of her, and she was more interested in the fact that the victim had rabbit ears? He knew Kyu was kind of self absorbed, but to ignore someone in need just so she could check something off her bucket list was a new low!

He stomped over to the scene, intent on putting a stop to it himself. He may not be the best fighter (not by a long shot) or even very brave (he imagine a corgi would be more butch than him without even trying), but it was better than just standing around and letting this…"Social injustice" was the only thing that came to mind at the moment- continue!

"Hey!" he called, causing Team CRDL to turn and stare at him quizzically, "Leave her alone already, will ya!?"

"Yeah, I don't think so, _Jaunedice_." Cardin folded his arms and gave a wry grin, the other CRDL members chuckling. "You see, Miss Scarlatina here was giving us her opinion on a skit we'll be performing for a some kids. We volunteered for that, you see."

"We're just charitable like that," the boy with a green Mohawk (Russel, if he remembered right) added.

Cardin continued, "So why don't you run along and mind your own business, or me and my team will have to deal with _you_ for causing trouble. And honestly, you don't want to bother poor Velvet with that, do you?"

The other two boys, Dove Bronzewing and Sky Lark, both slid their thumbs across their throats, not even attempting to conceal the threat.

To say Jaune was apprehensive about pressing the issue at this point was a gross understatement.

"I-it's fine, really," Velvet said, her obvious nervousness not matching up at all with the given assurance. "You don't have to worry about me…."

But...he just couldn't let Team CRDL get away with their bullying, especially since no one else was doing do, or was even around for that matter; Team CRDL, himself, and Velvet were the only people in the entire pavilion, not counting one oblivious Love Fairy.

"No, I won't," he stated defiantly, his legs only knocking together _slightly_ , "Look, I really don't care if you pick on me, but I'm not going to let you harass Velvet, or the other Faunus at Beacon!" He reached for his weapon, then, upon realizing he hadn't brought it with him to the Vytal Festival, put up his hands like he remembered seeing Yang do in Mrs. Goodwitch's class.

At least, he _hoped_ he was doing it right.

Velvet's eyes went wide, as if to ask "What the hell are you doing!?"

Cardin sighed tiredly. "Alright Jauney-boy, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, but I'm only gonna say it once so listen closely…."

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

"Don't feel bad," Velvet comforted Jaune as she lead the boy through Beacon's courtyard, his arm propped over her shoulder, "It was sweet if you to stand up for me like you did."

"Yeah…," Jaune groaned as he hobbled beside the considerate Faunus. Cardin and his goons hadn't really done and _serious_ damage, physically at least. Still, they had managed to work his pride over pretty good; he'd heard legends growing up of the "atomic wedgie", and now it turned out that the legends were true.

"It could have been worse," she continued, "at least the bruises aren't showing anymore."

Jaune nodded. "Apparently I'm a quick healer," he said, "something about me having a lot of Aura." It wasn't actually Cardin and Co. that gave him the limp; he'd somehow managed to trip on the remains of Kyu's ice cream bar once the bullies were done emasculating him, twisting his ankle in the process.

"That makes sense," Velvet nodded. Then she turned to him, "We're almost inside now, are you going to be OK?"

As had become disturbingly normal for him the responses that bombarded him were wildly inappropriate, such as masterpiece " _Well, are you free right now? Cause I don't have any money."_ , or his personal favorite, the oh so classy " _My crotch still feels weird, wanna check it out?"_.

He assumed it had something to do with Kyu being around him the entire day.

"Actually," he said, pointedly ignoring his rebellious inner thoughts, "do you mind if we sit down for a bit? I'm kinda tired from hopping all the way back here."

"Of course. Um…?" She looked around for a moment before nodding towards a bench under the Huntsman/Huntress statue in the middle of the courtyard. When they were both sitting down she asked "Any better?"

"Yeah, a little bit." Which was true, though it did feel a little slightly uncomfortable to sit after coming face to face with a legend. (He learned that day just how much like a girl's his screams sounded…) "How about you; how long was CRDL bothering you anyway?"

"Not very long," she admitted, "I only just ran into them a few minutes before you got there." She paused, her rabbit ears drooping slightly. "They would have gone away eventually…"

"Oh…." Jaune didn't really know what to say; it was an awkward subject, and unfortunately he hadn't thought passed shooing away CRDL and asking Velvet on a date. "...why don't you tell one of the teachers about this? Then you wouldn't have to worry about those jerks harassing you anymore!"

Velvet shook her head, "Then someone else would just do what they do, and there's no guarantee they won't be worse than CRDL." Now she was fidgeting uncomfortably. "Can we change the subject please? I don't really enjoying talking about that stuff."

"Oh, OK! Um…." Jaune tried to think of something to talk about that was related to the persecution of the Faunus. "Well...where do you usually like to hang out?"

Velvet didn't respond for a minute, and Jaune mentally kicked himself for sounding like a creeper.

"I think...I'd have to say the practice arena," she eventually said, "there's just something about watching so many different fighting styles being put on display, it helps me find myself again, especially if I've had a particularly stressful day." She sighed, and Jaune notices she looked a little more relaxed. "Sometimes I even take pictures."

That was...actually really cool, Jaune thought. Like Velvet said, there were a bunch of different fighting styles- not just at Beacon, but all over the world for that matter -so it made sense that someone would want to document them. He couldn't help but admire the brown haired Faunus for that.

Add to that the fact that she was also train is to be a Huntress on top of that and it became even more impressive.

"Can I see some of them? Your photos, I mean," he asked. "That is, if you don't mind showing them, of course."

Velvet looked unsure at his request, her previous nervousness coming back. "I don't know…," she drawled, "I haven't really shown them to anyone outside of my team...I don't even know if they're even any good…."

"Oh…," he said, somewhat disappointed. He'd hoped that talking about her hobby more would help her cheer up and forget about the incident with Cardin, but apparently it had the exact opposite effect (minus bringing up CRDL).

And truthfully, he sort of wanted to know if she's taken any pictures of _him_ since he'd arrived here.

"...well, I _guess_ I could show you one or two," she relented, "but not right now; give me some time to find some good pictures, OK?"

Jaune would have jumped for joy, but his leg chose that moment to twinge in pain, reminding him that jumping probably wasn't a good idea right now.

"Sure!" he said in lieu of jumping, "Yeah, just text me later when you do."

"OK!"

They exchanged contact info, and after assuring her that he could make it the rest of the way in his own, Velvet left to head back to her own room, waving goodbye as she did.

Jaune leaned back, going over everything that happened to him today: he met a fairy, talked with one of his teammates, sparred with the leader of his sister team (Team JNPR lives right across the hall from Team RWBY, oddly enough), hung out at the arcade with said leader's older sister, read comics with his other teammate, somehow got a free comic from a misunderstanding, was finally able to break the ice with Weiss Schnee, showed someone around the Vytal Festival, and helped out someone in need of assistance, though not quite in the way he initially intended. There were good points (meeting so many new people), and bad points (the near cartoonish level of bodily abuses he'd suffered), but at the end of it all...he was happy; he still one step closer to getting a girlfriend despite all the aforementioned abuse, and even if things didn't pan out for him he'd still have a bunch of new friends because if it. Hopefully….

"Not bad, Slick!" Kyu praise, suddenly appearing out of nowhere, "I told you girls go die the Hero types!" Jaune didn't think that was it at all, but he accepted the phrase nonetheless. She nudged him jovially, "Didn't I tell ya it was worth it to stick around little bit longer?"

Jaune reluctantly nodded; if wasn't like the provocative fairy was _wrong_! ...granted, he would have been less likely to stay had there been no one in trouble, but he supposed, in a roundabout way, Kyu's suggestion had paid off.

"Anyway, why don't we get you to bed now?" she said, "You did just spend the day entertaining _8_ different Hunies, after all." She made an exaggerated show of yawning, which Jaune knew to be fake because he knew for a fact the so called "Love Fairy" had done nothing but float round him and play around on her weird looking Scroll all day. "And you're gonna have a big day tomorrow following up with all of them, let me tell you!"

Really, she could have done more than just lazily throw a sentence or two of advice at him before a "date", not to mention the whole closet fiasc-

 _Wait...what'd she just say?..._

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

 _To be continued…._

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

 _ **Kyu's Naughty Confessions blog })i({**_

 **THEY DO EXIST! (No innuendo this time.)**

 _Hey out there in Internet land, you sexy people! It's me, Kyu})i({! Same deal as last time: I talk, and you guys listen. Unless you want to be a jerk and go to dine other website instead, but I know you're all too cool to do that to little old me!~_

 _Anyway, things were going pretty well after the Playa's date with Penny, the slightly odd foreigner; he was headed back to his room for the night (against my better judgement, mind) and I was enjoying a nice, long, solid,_ dripping _...bar of vanilla ice cream, when he stumbled on the most mind blowing thing since the invention of the mental BJ…._

 _A REAL LIFE BUNNYGIRL! I mean, can you believe it? A girl with_ actual bunny ears _! (Unfortunately, I have not yet confirmed if she also had a fuzzy cottontail. T~T) I always thought they were just a myth before, so this is, like, the fourth best thing that could have ever happened to me! So HAH, take_ that _, Dingleberries!_

 _Oh yeah, and she was kinda getting harassed by these jerks doing the worst bunny impressions I've seen in my life._

 _So anyway, after seeking the wise counsel of his faithful, stalwart Love Fairy, he decided to confront the dastardly fiends accosting the poor, innocent Bunnygirl (SQUEEEEEEEEE!), swooping in to rescue fair maiden in a gallant and heroic manner!...only to sorta get is ass kicked. Slightly. A little. ...OK, they gave him an atomic wedgie, which is a fate I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy. (Not even you, Trixie. Count yourself lucky. ;-p ) But once the pain began to subside the two of them made their way back to School, stopping to sit on a bench to catch their breath or something._

 _While they sat, the Playa tried to strike up some small. It got off to a rocky start, but things managed to turn around when the subject of photography came up. Apparently, our little Bunnie is something of a shutterbug, taking pictures of the other students when they're not looking. (And no, none of them are candid. ...poopy.) She's apparently kinda shy about it, and she only agreed to let him see a couple of hand picked examples, but that still sounds like a win to me! (Velvet = hearts x2)_

 _Now let's get on with those delicious, throbbing comments! \\(^o^)/_

 _Ooh, now this is interesting!_ _ImAKitty! says "Nyaa~ This Penny lady is suuuper cute; I bet she gives the bestest scratches behind the ears! I feel kinda sad for Misses Blake, though. She wasn't smiling in her picture... Ooh, Jaune should go cheer her up! Whenever I'm feeling sad, I like having my tummy rubbed. Misses Fairy lady, can you tell Jaune to go rub her tummy? I bet that'll help a super duper bunch! Kisses~!" Kisses to you too, ImAKitty!, I'll_ definitely _let the Playa know about your suggestion the next time he and Miss Femme Fatale hook up! Smooches~!_

 _THEMistypeaks says "Ooh, I remember having so much fun going to the county fair when I was young! Good choice, young man, you should bring your next lady friend here as well!" OK, if you say so, Gurl. Personally, I prefer a venue with a bit more…'stimulation', if you know what I'm saying…!_

 _Beli_Dancer says "I'm…not sure that's how aura is supposed to work. At least, that's not what I was taught." You're probably right about that, but it's a big universe; who's to say "aura" doesn't work differently for these guys than it does for you?_

 _And remind me to mention you to my Boss's friend Shiva, you two would probably get along great!_

 _Speaking of which, XBossLadyX says "My my, Mr. Arc seems to have a hidden potential in him. It would be in your best interests to help this one realize that potential, Kyu." You got it, Boss Lady! Your numbah one Love Fairy is on the case!_

 _(not that)_blu_gurl says "And what's so wrong with having a girl be better than you at games; just because our reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside, that automatically means we're inferior? #gamergirlsrule" Whoa, trigger warning! Don't take it so personally, blu_gurl! In fact, I'ma let you in on a little secret: guys are actually really, really sensitive! Sometimes, it's good to let them think they're doing well. Makes 'em easier to manipulate. XD_

 _An25 says "Hey Sugergirl, not bad work you are doing so far, but this one might need ya to go a bit beyond your normal duties cause your boy is training for a job as a pro monster killer, and having a client die under your watch may not be good on a performance review. Also, you might want to see if you can get a yandere detector on your hunnie tracker, cause some of these girls are very dangerous. One last thing though; are you going to work Jaune up to get some milf action or throw him in the deep end? Take care, girl." Thanks for the compliment, An25! Don't you worry, I've been in this business for *mumble mumble* years now, and I haven't had a client die on me yet! The Playa is in_ good _hands, trust me!_

 _As for your second question, this guy can barely handle Hunies his own age, much less older women, so I'ma hold off on dropping him into the "cougar pit" for now. But if he suddenly decides he wants someone with a few life stories (or single bills) under their belts, well…._

 _HotBabyMama says "Boy, do you even work out? Trust me, every little bit counts, so get a few reps in each morning and in a week you won't even recognize yourself!" Ooh, good call there, sistah! Ain't nothing sexier than a dude dripping with sweat, all his muscles bulging as he prepares to pumps iron…._

 _And I do mean_ all _his muscles. |-) |-) |-) Giggity._

 _Whatshakinbacon20 says "Wait, they didn't go on any rides!? Aw, the rides are the best part! You get to snuggle up nice and close to your date on a Ferris wheel, or the teacup rise, the Tunnel of Love…~" Well, maybe next time. It's my understanding that this Vytal Festival is going on for a while yet, so there's still plenty of time for him to snuggle up with someone in the Tunnel of Love, if you catch my drift. (^w^)_

 _BAB_Audrey420SWAG tactfully points out "Holy [censor], these people don't_ actually _buy into all that New Age bull[censor], do they? You do know it's all a bunch of fake ass [censor] to get stupid [censor]ing hippies to waste their money, right? It's all a giant scam." Why hello Miss Skeptic, how are you today? Us Fairies over here in Sky Garden and the people of "Remnant" are doing fine, thank you very much._

 _And that's gonna do it for this chapter in the Life of Jaune; the Playa doesn't have a lot of stamina, you see, and he needs some time to recharge before he continues his conquest. See you sexy people later!_ _ **})i({**_


	11. New Challenger

_Chapter 9: New Challenger_

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The next morning Jaune awoke to the sound of his Scroll buzzing on the nightstand next to his bed. He sat up, running the sleep out of his eyes as he reached for the device. After fumbling to unlock it for a moment he saw that he had an unread message waiting for him.

Surprisingly, it was from Kyu this time.

 _#What's up, Playa? Well, you are_ right now _if you're reading this. Obviously I'm not here right now; I figured that a bit more research was required for a couple of these Hunies you met yesterday, so I'll have to catch up with you after breakfast. Be sure to eats lots of protein!~ ;-D#_

Jaune raised an eyebrow at the last line of the message. Given who the sender was he was sure that it was supposed to have some sort if sexual connotation, but he quickly dismissed the thought before he rendered himself incapable of keeping his breakfast down.

He was about to put his Scroll away when he noticed there were some other messages in his inbox he didn't remember receiving. However, before he could open any of them, he received another text from Kyu.

This one read _#BTDubs, you got, like, three texts while you were sleeping; I took the liberty of opening them for you, and let me just say,_ noice! _Don't hate!~ XD#_

"Yeah, figures…," he sighed, picking one of the three new messages at random.

Apparently, it was from Penny. _#Sal-u-tations, friend Jaune! I just got a Scroll of my very own, isn't that exciting?! My father finally agreed to let me have one when he heard I made a friend, so now we can communicate with each other!#_ He smiled at that. It continued, _#You're probably wondering how I was able to contact you if I didn't have a Scroll before, and did not ask for your contact information when we last met-#_ He had actually been wondering that. _#-well, do not fret, I aquired it from your School. Incidentally, Beacon might want to consider upgrading its security for its computers.#_

This was... _moderately_ disconcerting. Slightly.

 _#Anyway, I just wanted say hi_ _before I entered my sleep cycle. Perhaps we could even visit some other attractions tomorrow if you have the time. Have a pleasant night's rest in the meantime!#_

As was usual whenever he received a text message from a girl he just met it was accompanied by a photo attachment. It was clear that this one was taken with Penny holding the Scroll with both her hands, and the image was tilted at an odd angle, but there was something about the picture that just seemed...remarkably endearing. Maybe it was the impossibly sincere way she was smiling, or the freckles she had under her eyes, he couldn't really tell. Regardless, it was still a pretty nice picture.

The next message he opened was from Weiss, though much less nicely worded (and more brief) than Penny's had been. _#I'm not doing this because you suggested it, OK? I just happened to be out shopping and I thought I'd see it how it look, so don't get a swelled head.#_ The attached picture was of Weiss looking at herself in a hand mirror, mostly likely holding her Scroll in her free hand, with a white lily affixed in her ponytail. She apparently liked how it looked because she was smiling, both in the photo and in the reflection of the mirror she held.

Jaune smiled; she really did look nice with the flower in her hair.

The final message was from Velvet, equally as brief but worded nicer. _#I couldn't find any picture good enough to share, so I just took one of my own. Sorry.#_

This photo was different than the other two; for starters, it was abundantly clear that it wasn't taken with a Scroll camera, but with an actual one, high end too, judging by how crystal clear the image was. Experimentally, he tried zooming the image in, but it never got blurry or hard to make make. When he zoomed back out he noticed that unlike the last two photos, this one was a fully body shot of Velvet; from the bottom of her shoes to the very top of her rabbit ears, none of her was out of frame. As he looked closer, he saw that he was actually looking at Velvet's reflection in a full length mirror, with the Faunus holding a large camera in front of her waist as she looked straight ahead. At first the look on her face made him think that she was nervous about taking the picture, but the more he looked at it he could tell that there was a quiet dignity about her, a sense of pride that she managed to exude that said "I will not be judged", or something like that.

He probably would have gotten sucked in to the Faunus girl's charisma if he hadn't happened to glance at the clock and noticed that it was almost time for breakfast to start. He quickly looked around the room, noticed the rest of his teammates had already left, and leaped out of bed, rushing about to get dressed for the day.

Today was Build Your Own Pancake day, after all.

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

Jaune ran down the halls, hoping to make it to the cafeteria before breakfast stopped being served.

 _Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap!_ he thought, _Why did I have to oversleep_ today _of all days?_ Then he remembered all the abuse his poor body suffered yesterday. _...oh._

He continued running until he suddenly stopped, having run into another student.

"Oof!" he exclaimed pon collision, getting knocked to the ground. He felt a small wave of déjà-vu wash over him as he fell, recalling how he quite literally ran into Pyrrha the other day.

He hoped this was just a coincidence and that he wouldn't begin _all_ his mornings this way.

Regardless, he immediately set about apologizing once he was sure the falling had stopped. "Sorry! I'm kinda in a hurry and I wasn't watching wear I was going."

"That's OK," the girl said, picking herself up, "I was preoccupied with finding someone, so why don't we both share the blame?" Jaune nodded as he stood back up, finally getting a good look at who he'd bumped into.

At first glance she looked liked any other student here; she wore the same blazer, plaid skirt, and stockings that the other female students did, but in addition she also wore sunglasses, a beret, and a scarf that looked like it was more for fashion than function. (She also may have been wearing a necklace of some kind, but he didn't want to look too closely for fear he'd catch a glimpse of something he shouldn't.)

"Just take a picture, Hun," she said, snapping Jaune out of his "cataloging", "it'll last longer." Then she struck a pose, crossing one arm over her chest and propping the other behind her head, which she tilted at a slight angle. "Not that I blame you, I _do_ dress to impress, after all."

This, as many things did recently, took Jaune by surprise, and as such he wasn't sure how to respond. Obviously he couldn't just continue to stare at her, but aside from the slew of awful pickup lines that liked to bombard him for some reason he had no clue how to break the ice.

Unable to think of anything better, he hesitantly held his hand out and introduced himself, "Uh...I'm Jaune?"

He saw an eyebrow rise above the rim of her glasses. "You're not sure what your own name is?" she asked, chuckling as Jaune struggled to find an answer. "Kidding! It's good to meet you, Jaune." She took his hand and shook it. "I'm Coco."

As she shook his hand it suddenly dawned on him that he'd seen her before; there had been a mandatory lecture that all team leaders had to attend a couple days after the inauguration ceremonies. Most of the lecture flew over his head, but one of the few things from it that managed to stick were the others student who were there with him. There was Ruby of course, as well as Cardin sitting a few seats away from his. Besides them and the other first years there were a lot of older students as well, which included Coco.

Honestly, he probably wouldn't have paid too much attention to her if she hadn't been asked to give a testimony of her own first year.

"Nice to meet you," he said, feeling more confident now that he remembered who she was, "I remember you from the Twam Leaders lecture. You, uh, did a good job with your speech."

"Thank you!" she said, "I've been told I have a gift for public speaking." She made like she was flipping her hair and glanced at him over her glasses, "By the way, what would you say your favorite part of my little anecdote was?"

Jaune froze, not expecting the question. He'd only been half paying attention during the lecture- the other half of his mind went to worrying how he was going to survive everything Beacon threw at him - and as a result basically glossed over Coco's sprech. He tried to recall what she'd said, _Aaaagh! Come on, think Jaune, think! …was it "Try to win and do better than you're currently doing"? No, that's too generic. Um…"Tuck your head between your knees and kiss your butt goodbye"- no, that's just me. Come on,_ something _must have stick out with you!_

After another eternal second of wracking the deepest recesses of his brain he finally remembered something from the older girl's speech! I my wasn't all the much, but it had to be good if it was the he only part of the speech he could actually recall.

"I guess the part where you and your team fought off the flock of Giant Nevermores," he told her, "My team fought one with Team RWBY during Initiation, and we barely won."

Coco nodded. "Not bad!" she said, a touch of respect in her voice, "Even one of those things are a hassle to deal with, especially for beginners; good thing you didn't get attacked by a Deathstalker as well."

Jaune refrained from looking too proud when Coco mentioned that.

"But yeah, that was a good moment for Team CFVY…," Coco mused. "But enough about that; since you're here, do you think you could help me out with something?"

Once again, Jaune didn't know how to respond. He wasn't necessarily opposed to lending Coco a helping hand, but...it _was_ Build Your Own Pancake day, after all ….

However, before he reached a decision Coco continued. "Long story short, one of my teammates spent some time with a guy yesterday and I want to make sure he isn't going to break her heart. The only thing is that, fit some reason, she won't tell me who the guy is, so now I have to go around the school and play detective to find out who the hell he is! So if you could do me a _teensy_ favor-" She pinched her fingers together in front of her face. -"and let me know if you hear anyone bragging about what a fine catch that girl from Team CFVY is, aside from me obviously, then let me know, OK?"

"...yeah, sure!" Jaune agreed, nodding; he was worried the upperclassman would ask him to do something a lot more involved and time consuming, but just keeping an ear open and shooting off a quick text message? _Pfft_ , they was easy-peasy, lemon sqeezy!

He mental slapped himself for thinking something so dorky.

"Excellent!" Coco gave him a hearty pat on the shoulder, "Don't let me down, Jaune!" She then turned on her heel and continued heading down the hallway, her hips sashaying as she walked, shooting him a quick, two fingered salute by way of farewell. " _Remember, let me know if you hear anyone talking about my little Velvet!"_

Jaune waved as Coco disappeared around a corner, feeling good that someone thought enough of him to ask for his help, a small spring now in his step as he continued in his way.

 _This'll be a cinch!_ he thought to himself, _All I have to do is keep my ears open whenever I'm on a date-_

Then his mind finally registered what Coco's parting words actually were.

 _Wait, she said 'Velvet' before…._ He stopped dead in his tracks, the color draining from his face, _Oh my god,_ I'm _the braggart Coco's looking for!_

He continued walking towards the cafeteria, oblivious to the oddly placed, rather shapely floor lamp to his right, now with decidedly much less spring and more fear of what Zthe leader of Team CFVY would do to him when she found out the truth. (Not that he'd actually lied, but he still didn't like the scenarios his mind came up with.)

Once Jaune was out of the general area, the lamp took off its shade, revealing itself to actually be Kyu, the Love Fairy.

"I'm thoroughly ashamed that worked so well," she lamented, tossing the lampshade, the only abnormal (for her, anyway) bit of clothing she wore for her disguise, " _..._ I mean, I was just standing _right there_ , how did neither of them notice? I had a bit planned out and everything!" She sighed and took out her HunieBee, "Well, might as well let my adoring fans know about the new Hunie…."

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

 _ **Kyu's Naughty Confessions blog })i({**_

 _Hey there, Internet! Kyu})i({ here, with Round 2 of Jauney-boy's Dating Extravaganza!_

 _So before she get to the juicy stuff, I need to tell ya about the pictures Jauney-boy received during the night. He got three: one from Penny (the slightly weird one), one from Weiss (the Tsundere), and one from Velvet (SUCK IT, DINGLEBOMB!)._

 _Penny's was the most normal, with her just her taking a selfie at a weird angle. It was cute in the same way a toddler taking a picture is._

 _Weiss's was a little better, though not quite as good as the third one. (I'll get to_ that _in a second!) It was her looking at herself in a mirror, with a lily tucked into her side tail. Those with good memories will recall when Lover Boy told her he thought that would look nice?_

 _And for those of you out there who don't think Ice Queen is a Tsundere, here's Exhibit A._

 _For Velvet's photo she did some artistic crap where she took a picture of herself taking a picture. (Yo dawg, I heard you like taking pictures.) I kid, but it was actually really well done. Like, this girl could probably do pinups if she wanted!_

 _Which reminds me, I still need to talk to Venus about doing that calendar…._

 _But that's something for later, y'all wanna know what's up with the Playa, don'tchya? Well, he apparently thinks with his stomach (#totesallmen), because he only got his adorkable ass out of bed when he realized he'd miss breakfast._

 _So one quick change later and he's speeding down the hall towards breakfast and what happens? Why, he runs head first into a hot chick and knocks them both to the ground of course! Some may say coincidence, but I say sure fire way to get Hunies!_

 _But anyway, apparently this_ fine _lookin' chick was a fellow team leader named Coco, and it just so happened that she was looking for the guy who took aside one of her teammates for a quickie the other night. And being the helpful type he says he'll give her a ring if he hears anything._

 _...screw it, I'm counting it. (Coco = hearts x2)_

 _But that's not even the best part! Cuz you know that teammate who got seven minutes in heaven? Yeah, it was Velvet the Prize Winning Bunnygirl, which makes the Playa the jerk she was with yesterday!_

 _I seriously almost bust a gut from laughing so hard at the irony!_

 _Now let's get on with those delicious, throbbing comments! \\(^o^)/_

 _To start, here's a new comment from a couple posts ago. Zoeytron_2.0 says "Greetings, fairy-unit Kyu! Your narrative has been most stimulating to my circuitry thus far, but I find my joy processors overwhelmed with this latest installment and the courtship of unit Penny. Cybernetic romances are woefully underrepresented in today's media and I hope you will encourage unit Jaune to keep an open mind to robosexual relationships." Wait, so gynoids are a thing in this world too? Sweet! Remnant just caters to ALL the fetishes! Next you know the Playa's gonna start dating a catgirl or something!_

 _But anyway, you're talking to the queen of not judging people on there kinks, Zoeytron! If tall, blond and scraggly wants to see if his dongle fits into her USB port and corrupted her hard drive, I'm behind that 100%! ...with my camera. Giggity. (P.S. I_ seriously _need to up my research game!)_

 _BAB_Audrey420SWAG helpfully notes "Is she one of those dumbass 'cosplayer' weirdos that goes to Star Trek conventions? Cuz I_ highly _[censor]ing doubt those ears of hers are real. Though if she is a Trekkie, then she and scraggly are perfect for each other! You know, cuz they're both losers?" Such insightful commentary as always, I wouldn't expect anything less! Really, I don't know what we'd do without you here to explain things in the most bigoted, judgemental way possible! Truly, we are blessed._

 _...that was sarcasm, by the way. (-_-')_

 _THEMistypeaks says "That Velvet girl reminds me of one of my earlier productions, though I had a tail in that, and my ears weren't as natural looking as hers are. Still, she's pretty cute." Ooh, I remember that one! It was a while ago, but I think it was something like a "sexy Alice in Wonderland" kinda thing, right? I forget, did you play the White Girl Rabbit or the Mad-for-you March Hare? Cuz Alice ran into both of them at some point._

 _IDRF says "Hehe, Jauney boy doesn't seem to have the best of luck with the bullies. Got his a** handed to him while trying to be a White Knight and all. Any, I wouldn't be surprised if one of these, women, turned into a Yandere at some point. That, would be amzingly beautiful, down right scary and make me envy the poor b*** (I want the yandere girls thank you)" Uh, I think you might wanna have someone proofread your message, dude, I can spot a few things that would get you bad grades in school._

 _But as for the points you brought up, I agree that the Playa hasn't had the best luck with bullies. Still, you hafta concede that he had the balls to stand up to them at all, even if he did get his scraggly behind handed to him. XD And I said there was a 1 in 13 chance of him running into a Yandere, so we'll see what happens. XD_

 _Beli_Dancer says "I may be a pacifist, but Velvet needs to stand up for herself more; she shouldn't just let people push her around like that." Gurl, I totes agree! In fact, I'm pretty sure Ghandi even said something along those lines. Can't remember what the actual quote was, but I know he said it! I think._

 _XBossLadyX says "Good work finding eight girls for your client in under a day, Kyu. Keep this up and you might be up for for Fairy if the Month." YUS! That'll make 50 consecutive years in a row with this one! Don't worry, Boss, I'll do my best!_

 _(not that)_blu_gurl says "So even here they have [censor] Neanderthals who think they're superior to everyone else. It's people like this that make me wish euthanasia was still acceptable. #stopthebullying #discrimination #stupidjocks #furrylivesmatter #hailtheunderdog #triggered" Calm your tits, my little social justice warrior; let's not say things we'll regret later, OK? Maybe you should take a cue from Beli_Dancer and try some yoga; I hear it's a great way to "limber up", if you know what I mean! |-D_

 _HotBabyMama says "Kick their asses,_ miho _!" Succinct and to the point today, are we? (Not that I necessarily disagree per se…)_

 _Hawt4teacher says "Mmm, that boy must be quite the yummy catch if he's got eight girls hanging off his arm; I might just have to sample the goods myself~. ;-D" You want a drink thar, girlfriend? Cuz you seem a little_ THIRSTY _to me. Not that I can really fault your taste; lots of chicks seem to like the adorkable ones._

 _Whatshakinbacon20 says "Wow, that's so cool that she likes photography! I've seen some of the pieces the art majors at my college have taken, and they're_ awesome _! I hope she decides to show Jaune some of her work sometime." Having already seen one example myself, I'd say Miss Bunnygirl knows her stuff. Not quite near pinup level yet, but by Hefner's smoking jacket she's getting there._

 _And as usual, I've saved the worst for last. Trixie Dinglebells }!{ says "*grumble, grumble* Lousy bunnygirl, defying the laws of reality ... Fine, take your stupid twenty dollars! And don't get too smug, SugarRust! Your boy Jaune may have a full octet of hunies but he's only at two hearts apiece! It'll be a cold day in hell before your little pet gets so much as a peck on the cheek from those trollops! And when you crawl back to Sky Garden all weary and defeated, the look on your face will be priceless! Oh-ho-ho-ho!" Oh I'm sorry_ Dinglebutt _, I couldn't hear you over the shoe in confirmation of my_ 50TH CONSECUTIVE _Fairy of the Month spot on the wall! Maybe if you didn't suck so hard at your job (and not just in the back room when you think no one's looking) then I might take your predictions of doom more seriously. Xp!_

 _And that's all for the moment, folks! I'll update you next time something interesting happens, but for now, welcome to Round 2! (And remember to keep voting on the poll, too!) See you sexy people later!_

 _ **})i({**_


	12. Text boxes

_Chapter 10: Text boxes_

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

By some miracle Jaune actually made it to the cafeteria before breakfast ended and was able to get some of the coveted pancakes. Unfortunately, most of the toppings had already been used up by the rest of the school, so all that was left were raspberries and rainbow sprinkles.

Still, pancakes were pancakes, and he was lucky to even get any in the first place.

By now a few of the other students had finished eating, so he didn't have as much trouble finding a place to sit as last time. Unfortunately, he still didn't see the rest of his team; he felt they hadn't really hung out together since the Initiation.

 _I wonder where Kyu is?_ he thought, tucking into his warm breakfast, _It's weird that she's not around to bug me._ That last statement was, in and if it itself, rather weird, but the irony was lost on him as he let himself make into the savory, pancakey goodness before him.

However, he couldn't stop thinking about Coco and her quest to find the guy who hung out with Velvet yesterday. Forgetting some of the more colorful scenarios that went through his mind (manacles, heavy chains, and tomatoes may have been involved…) he was worried about what the older girl would think of him the next time they met; he hadn't been dishonest when they spoke, at least not deliberately, and she'd hadn't used Velvet's name until she was already walking away….

Then again, the phrase "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" kept replaying for him.

He hung his head, careful not to get his hair in the syrup as he moped.

" _Jaune! Hey, Jaune!"_

He looked back upon hearing his name called, spotting a familiar, red cloaked figure waving at him from a few tables over.

"Hey Ruby!" he called, waving back at the petite Huntress. She then picked her tray up and made her way over to where he sat, plopping down in the seat next to him. "So...what's up?"

Ruby shrugged. "Not much, just saw you sitting here and thought I'd join you." She took a bite of her own pancakes, which were piled high with strawberries and chocolate chips. "Fo what'f up wife you?"

"I dunno," he said, spreading the syrup around with his fork, "I guess I'm just thinking about what it's like getting caught between stick and a hard place."

"...wait, aren't those just the same thing?" she wondered, gathering more pancake for a second bite.

"It's just...someone asked me to help them with something, and I said yes," he explained. "The thing is...if I help them they're gonna hate me, and if I _don't_ help them they'll _still_ hate me, but for different reasons!" He hung his head again, "I don't want them to hate me, but I can't think of a way where that won't happen…."

Ruby chewed thoughtfully. "...why not just tell this person you can't help them anymore?" she asked. "Then you won't have to do the thing that'll make them hate you."

Jaune was about to respond that things weren't that simple when his Scroll buzzed. Ruby's buzzed as well, and they both reached for their devices at the same time.

On the screens was a blinking icon of Beacon's crest, which they both pressed in sync.

"'Reminder for team leaders'," Ruby read aloud, "'The Team Leader Preporatory Review will be your first class of the day. Attendance is mandatory.'" And that was all the message said, save the the time the class started. "Crap!" she exclaimed, "I _totally_ forgot that was today!"

Jaune grimaced, equally as guilty of the same crime.

She quickly gobbled up the rest of her breakfast, washing it down with a glass of milk. "We gotta hurry!" she insisted, grabbed Jaune by the arm and pulling him after her right as he was about to take another bite of his own food, leaving the fork suspended in midair for a moment. "I've already been late a couple times before, and I can _NOT_ miss this class!"

 _...well,_ Jaue thought as he was pulled along, _at least this time it makes sense. I hope this'll be an easy class, at any rate…_

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

Jaune could not have been more wrong about how easy this class would be. He and Ruby only just made it to the classroom before the tardy bell rang, and the teacher, Dr. Oobleck, had launched right into things with only a brief "Everyone, take your seats" beforehand. After that he began zipping around from student to student (in no particular order), handing each of them a small bundle of papers.

"This will allow us to adjust each of your curriculums accordingly to help take full advantage of your potential and make you into the best possible team leaders!" the hyperactive teacher stated as he zipped form desk to desk. "You will have an hour to complete this test, so please be sure to fill it in as completely as possible." With that said he zipped over to his own desk, took a sip from his thermos (Jaune could only imagine what was in it), and sat down, writing notes faster than anyone could properly make out.

Jaune stared at the test in front of him, not for the first time wondering why he was still on this school; all the questions seemed to blur together in his mind, and for all he knew they could have just been gibberish. He hadn't gotten into Beacon like everyone else had, with good grades and prodigious fighting prowess, he got in because he faked his transcripts!

He wondered if he should just give up in his dreams (both of being a Huntsman and of getting a girlfriend) and leave now before he made a bigger fool of himself than he already had.

It had worked out that he and Ruby ended up sitting next to exact other for this class, so he glanced over at her, hoping to catch a glimpse at what her answers looked like. He wasn't trying to cheat, but he was a fairly quick study, and he figure that if he saw what some of the answers were he could figure out the rest in his own reasonably-

None of Ruby's answers were filled in either. Instead, she was doodling a caricature of Dr. Oobleck with cartoonishly large breasts in the margins, the words "Doktor Booblek" scribbled above it.

Ruby was also snickering uncontrollably as she worked on her masterpiece.

Was she five years old or something?

Though…that _did_ explain why she liked cookies so much….

"Uh...Ruby?" he whispered, "Shouldn't you be filling in the test?"

"Yeah…," she chuckled, "...but isn't this hilarious!" She looked up from her "work", "Don't tell me you weren't thinking it too."

Jaune didn't want to admit it, but the visual gag was a little bit funny. (She certainly drew better than he did, at any rate.) However, sence overrode his funny bone in this instance, and he tried to think of something to say to get his younger peer to focus. " _I don't think that's the answer to No. 3"_ would probably elicit more laughter and draw the attention of Dr. Oobleck, and he didn't want to jinx things by saying " _He gonna notice if you keep that up"_.

No, different measures needed to be taken, and he had an idea of what that would be.

"That sounds like something your sister would say," he commented; he knew Yang liked to make horrible puns, she'd made a few during their "date" yesterday, and he figured that, like him, Ruby wouldn't want to be compared to her sister, especially with something so cringe worthy.

The results were immediate: Ruby froze in place for a couple seconds, then hurriedly erased the drawing and began filling in the answers on the test.

...huh, she must _really_ not like her sister's puns.

With his immediate goal accomplished Jaune refocused on his own test, actually taking the time to read his test properly and start filling it in. While still a little above his head, he found that he could at least understand all the words in them, and with a little bit of time he thought he could solve all the questions without too much trouble.

" _45 minutes left!_ " Oobleck called from his desk.

He quickly began scribbling down answers, trying to make up for lost time.

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

"Phew!" Jaune sighed as he and Ruby trudged out of the classroom, "That was _brutal_!"

"Tell me about it!" Ruby exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. "I mean, when am I ever gonna need to know how to tell if someone's a bad guy by looking at their eyes; if they're a good person, they wouldn't be doing bad things in the first place, right?"

Jaune merely nodded, too spent from the test to properly articulate the tiny flaw in Ruby's logic. (Or to feel guilty that he _technically_ fell under Ruby's definition of "bad person".)

"At least it's over now, and it's just normal classes after this," he pointed out, Ruby nodding in agreement before adopting a quizzical look.

"Back there you said that my doodle reminded you of Yang," she said, tilting her head slightly, "so does that mean you know my sister? Like, before you came here?"

Jaune figured this question was probably coming; after all, you don't drop that you're familiar with the eccentricities of the sister of a person you only recently met without a healthy smidgen of suspicion.

"I sorta ran into her yesterday," he explained, "and she made a lot of bad puns while we talked." He decided to skip the part where the two of them went on a date into the city, and that the reason they did was because he'd hung out with her first. Instead he went a different route. "I always hated getting compared to my sisters when I was younger, so I figured that you'd probably feel the same way about it."

The petite Huntress in training stared at him for a moment, then her inquisitive look morphed onto one of satisfaction.

"Okay!" she said cheerfully, "I was wondering cause our teams haven't really hung out since Initiation." Then she rubbed the back of her head, "Actually, in kinda glad you got me to focus like that."

He raised a surprised eyebrow. "...really?"

"Yeah; Weiss has been in my case about paying attention in class, so now I can rub it in her smug face that I was _totally_ focused without her here bugging me!"

"...good for you?" he congratulated her, a little uncertainly. He liked Ruby, she was a good person...but he was also learning that she was a little eccentric to boot, and in a way different than his sisters were.

"In fact, I'm gonna go tell her right now!" she announced, zipping off down the hall.

Two seconds later she zipped right back, have him a brief handshake, stated "We should spar again sometime, OK?", and zipped off once again.

Jaune just stood there watching the hooded girl vanish in a trail of rose petals.

 _Well,_ he thought, _better go find Kyu now_. It was now well after breakfast, and the Love Fairy still hadn't made her presence known; he was starting to wonder what she could be up to.

Given her propensity for innuendos, he wouldn't put it past her message from earlier to have some kind of double meaning.

He'd frankly be more surprised if it didn't.

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

 _ **Kyu's Naughty Confessions blog })i({**_

 _Hey there, Internet! Kyu})i({ here, with Round 2 of Jauney-boy's Dating Extravaganza!_

 _So this time our lovable protagonist was just minding his own business, having some alone time with a stack of pancakes (the rainbow sprinkles were a nice touch, by the way XD). He wasn't alone for very long, though, because who should notice him but that adorable little grim reaper, Ruby!_

 _(Still waiting for those cosplay pics, blu_gurl, BTDubs.)_

 _So they talk for a bit, the Playa laying out his woes with "the second GF dilemma", with the whole weight of such a problem lost on her. However, their Scroll things decided to be a bitch an go off, preventing further, meaningful discussion; apparently they both had some kind of special class or something they needed to attend, and it was starting yesterday. So they hightailed it outta the caf' and ran off like a boyfriend who found out he's gonna be a dad._

 _Anyway, I don't remember what the actual class was about, just that it wasn't sex ed. (T_T) But I do remember that the Teach passed out a bunch of papers and everyone started looking glum, so it was probably some kind of pop quiz._

 _Getting back to our boy, he looked like he was regretting some life choices when he took a gander at the quiz. (Not that I blame him; Fairy School was a_ colossal _bore!) And he probably would have had a coronary if Little Red Pipsqueak next to him wasn't doodling. Which...got a chuckle out of me, I won't lie._

 _What can I say? I get a kick out of guys with huge knockers._

 _And like any good artist she wanted to know what he thought of her masterpiece, to which he responded with "that reminds me of your sister". Dude, really? That is the_ #1 _way to get a girl to hate you, man! What were you thinking?_

 _Well, whatever he was thinking must have been brilliant, because after the class let out she told him she'd want to hang out again and headed off to find her friend or something. Regardless, it still counts as a win for him. (Ruby hearts = x3)._

 _Now let's get on with those delicious, throbbing comments! \\(^o^)/_

 _Hawt4teacher says "Daaaaamn, is everyone at this school a model or something, and if they are, where can I sign up?" I know, right? Like, I haven't seen a single student here that didn't look like they could be on the cover of a magazine! (Or the centerfold in some cases…! |-D_

 _Well, except for that one teacher with the mustache..._

 _Beli_Dancer says "This might turn sour if Jaune doesn't come clean to Coco about dating Velvet the other day; secret relationships never end well." Well, that's a tricky bit of business we've got there. But hey, things could turn out good if the Playa plays his cards right!_

 _wlfmanjack says "Is it just me or is anyone else getting a strong lesbian vibe from Coco. Maybe Jaune could get both her and Velvet at the same time, the three of them in bed together would be so magical. Something tells me Coco is more than "just concern" of her friend getting her heart broken." Oh? You noticed that too, huh? Yeah, I don't know which way Coco swings, but if she is Lily Tribe then that makes the threesome you mentioned even hotter! I'm sure we'll run into her again, so we'll find out, don't worry!_

 _BAB_Audrey420SWAG says "Brown, really?_ That's _the color she decides to wear? Like, who's she trying to impress, the [censor]ing Amish? Jane (or whatever the [censor] your name is, I don't care), don't bother with this one." Gurl, don't be jelly! Besides, I hear brown is the new aquamarine!_

 _THEMistypeaks says "This is sounding like the plot to a movie I was in called_ Ménage a Trio _where this guy was trying to date two friends who were in the same orchestra together and didn't know what the other was doing; they all 'made peace' by the end." Ooh, I haven't seen that one yet, but it sounds like a classic! (I think I just found what I'm doing tonight!)_

 _IDRF says "Jauney boy is going to die... pfft hahahaha! Coco is going to kill him once she realises it was him whom was around Velvet. And I do believe I spotted a hint of jealousy from our favourite femme fatale. Can't wait to see how long until Jaune screws up. On a side note, despite the chances of a Yandere, have Jauney boy run away, don't want him dying or the other hunies dying because of him not being loyal to the Yandere babe. Tell him I say good luck if he ever does run into one, will ya'?" Dude, if he runs into a Yandere and she turns into a problem, that's an_ **immediate** _Code Purple! I know they say the crazy ones are dynamite in the sack, but the trade offs are just not worth it! So don't worry, I'll tell the Playa to tread cautiously if he ever encounters one._

 _As for your other point, yeah, Vomit Boy's totally boned! XD He's gonna need to be Prima ballerina levels of graceful to get out of this one with the possibility of future children intact!_

 _Whatshakinbacon20 says "Aw!~ That's so sweet that Coco cares for her friend like that! It really is great when your friends care about you. *cough*Audrey!*cough*" ...wow, you must be the only person here who_ doesn't _think Miss Diva wants some of that sweet Bunnygirl action for herself. Not sure if cute or sad…._

 _XBossLadyX says "My my, this is a surprising development. That makes...9 girls now? Mr. Arc is certainly turning into an interesting case." Yi-yah he is! I wouldn't be surprised if he got up to_ 12 Hunies _if he keeps this progress up!_

 _(not that)_blu_gurl says "...does Coco_ really _want to help out the bunny girl from later time, or is she just possessive?" That's the 64 dollar question this round, girlfriend. (That's still a relevant phrase, right?) Can't really answer that, but one of those options is_ definitely _sexier, giggity!_

 _HotBabyMama says "_ Another _sexy_ mamacita _talkin to our boy? This kid's like the Dos Equis man or something!" Aw, you noticed my handiwork!~ Thank you! But seriously, I'll get they boy laid yet!_

 _Anyway, I'ma tail Jaune's Boy more and see who he runs into next, and also because that lady date was a close call and I wanna be able to intervene if need be. See you sexy people later!_

 _ **})i({**_


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